11/27/2009 10:23 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Polanski Barred from Poking People on Facebook

GENEVA (The Borowitz Report) - In what is being seen as a setback for Roman Polanski, the Swiss court that ordered the famed director free on bail today prohibited him from poking people on the popular social networking site Facebook.

The court order also bans Mr. Polanski from using a full range of Facebook applications, including "What 'Facts of Life' Character Are You?"

The decision has already drawn howls of protest from film industry luminaries, who signed a letter calling the limits on Mr. Polanski's Facebook usage a "persecution."

"A man with Roman Polanksi's body of work should be allowed to poke whomever he pleases," the letter reads.

Elsewhere, in a positive sign for the retail sector, sales of useless goods surged on Friday. More here.