01/22/2010 01:08 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Scott Brown: My Daughters Are Available, Health Care Isn't

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Republican Scott Brown, Massachusetts' newly minted Senator, toured the Capitol today and revisited a theme from his victory speech, telling reporters, "My daughters are available, but if I have my way, health care won't be."

Chuckling at his remark, Mr. Brown added, "I was just kidding. Not about the health care part, though. I was dead serious about that."

Continuing to sound his theme, the Massachusetts senator said he would work around the clock "to make sure that Ayla, Arianna and health care all become unavailable forever."

When asked whether pimping for his daughters was in questionable taste, Mr. Brown replied, "That's my idea of the public option."

Elsewhere, under the terms of an NBC gag order, Conan O'Brien will not say anything disparaging for one year, and Jay Leno will not say anything funny for ten years. More here.