03/13/2010 10:04 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

This Weekend: Americans to Lose One Hour to Daylight Savings and the Rest to Facebook, Twitter

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) - For the first time since the time-shift was instituted, Americans will lose one hour to Daylight Savings and the rest of the weekend to Facebook and Twitter, experts say.

Due to the extraordinary amount of time the average American spends on the two popular social networking sites, he or she is expected to waste forty-eight hours this weekend out of a possible forty-seven.

Professor Davis Logsdon, who studies time-management at the University of Minnesota, recommends that people turn to multitasking to compensate for having wasted more time than actually exists: "For example, you may want to shave your bikini area while driving." More here.