06/12/2013 07:38 am ET Updated Aug 12, 2013

2013 Romney Still Doing All He Can to Lose 2012 Presidential Election

Well, it seems when he's not having pow-wows with Sarah Palin on the topic of words-that-should-never-be-a-kid's-name-oh-what-the-hell-he'll-grow-into-it, Mitt Romney continues to speak as if he has some sort of function in all our lives.

"I wish the hurricane hadn't have happened when it did, because it gave the President a chance to be presidential, and to be out showing sympathy for folks," Romney said.

Oh, Mitt, Mitt, Mitt, Mitt, Mitt...

The answer you're looking for, aside from peacefully fading into obscurity, is, "The presidential race is over. Hurricane Sandy was terrible for those people affected. Obviously, I wish it hadn't happened at all."

And then, like E.T., you'll hold up a glowing finger (thumbs up) and board your spacecraft (a limousine) and fly back to your home planet (retire forever to one of your many residences).

But it seems that the 2013 version of Romney is still doing all he can to lose the 2012 presidential election.

He spearheaded an "Experts and Enthusiasts 2013 Summit" this past weekend, a gathering of some of the heaviest hitters in the conservative movement. Organizers called it E2, because they used to write Sunny D commercials in the '90s and they know how to handle things that are obviously cool. E2 should not be confused with E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo, where hordes of game nerds amass to celebrate the newest upcoming video game titles and technology. Well, there is one similarity: They both will naturally have a big hooker turnout.

People are nicknaming it the Ideas Festival. Because eight months after your presidential race is the best time to generate new ideas. I predict the number one idea to come out of this summit: "Let's get our hands on a Delorean and some plutonium."

Last week, Romney said that he was "very upset" over his infamous 47 percent comments. Very upset that you said it, or like Hurricane Sandy, very upset that it kept you from being president?

Yes, don't you just hate getting "very upset" over a past comment you made and needed to defend repeatedly... because you still totally believe it? What a pickle!

But let's get back to Mitt, ever the businessman, complaining about the scheduling conflict between Hurricane Sandy and his destiny to become President of the United States...

"I can tell you the hurricane didn't come at the right time," said Romney.

I imagine Romney in the setting of a Mad Men-like office, activating the intercom on his desk. "Ann, get Mormon God on the phone, see if we can't move some things around and maybe postpone this hurricane."

It really is too bad that people's lives couldn't have been completely up-ended at a later date.

You'll get through this, Mittens. You'll get through this.