06/04/2012 10:48 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

8 Reasons Scott Walker Should Be Fired... Into Space

Total Recall. That's what many in Wisconsin are hoping for. Not like the film, where Governor Scott Walker and Lieutenant Governor Rebecca Kleefisch are fired out onto a vacuous Martian mountainside. No, total recall, as in, just across-the-ticket fired from the state.

But hey, I'm not picky. I enjoy that movie.

This Tuesday the people of Wisconsin will go to the polls and decide whether or not Scott Walker should be thrown out of office. My personal belief, no surprise to you, is that he should. Legislation not withstanding, Walker is shady. Something about this guy stinks (especially #8).

1. Scott Walker's campaign committee may be committing fraud.

The Capitol One credit card company has flagged "Friends of Scott Walker," the Governor's campaign committee, after people reported being charged $5 to support Governor Walker's recall election without their knowledge. Capitol One says their "fraud department had some potential fraud concerns on the account." Man, I hate it when that happens.

2. Scott Walker's entire push to clost the budget deficit on the backs of public workers was based on a single lie.

"I asked the unions to pay into their own health care insurance (just as their Wisconsin neighbors do) and they said I was being unreasonable," Walker said. "I requested that they contribute toward their own pensions (just as their Wisconsin neighbors do) and they screamed it was unfair."

It's impossible for this reason: public workers pay 100 percent of their own pension and benefits through deferred wages. Pulitzer Prize winner David Cay Johnston reported on this last year as the Madison protests were going on, and followed up on it. But no one calls Walker out on this.

Walker has painted public workers -- teachers, police, librarians -- as welfare recipients (no dig at welfare), which is not just dishonest, but considering all the public workers who have lost their jobs since Walker gave the budgetary thumbs up, it's flat out criminal.

This leads me to the next point:

3. My governor has a criminal defense fund.

It makes for a terrifically telling bumper sticker, doesn't it? Can you imagine if President Obama for one reason or another had a "criminal defense fund"?

Scott Walker has a criminal defense fund and a Chicago-based team of lawyers (this guy can't even create jobs in Wisconsin when he has the direct option!) overseeing the John Doe case.

According to Wisconsin state law, a criminal defense fund can only be created if Governor Walker is, "being investigated, being charged with or has been convicted of a criminal violation."

Mother Jones has a thorough recap of all that we know so far about the John Doe investigation. Thus far, 6 Walker associates and staff members have been charged with a total 15 felonies and 3 misdemeanors, with the brunt of the alleged illegal activity occuring 25 feet from Scott Walker's desk while he was County Executive.

Yeah, I'm sure he was too busy earning Eagle Scout merit badges to notice illegal funneling of taxpayer and campaign money. Is there a money laundering merit badge?

And then of course, there's the email, sent from Scott Walker to his then deputy Chief of Staff Tim Russell (now charged with 2 felonies and a misdemeanor) after Darlene Wink, Walker's constituent services coordinator, was caught posting...

"... online comments on news stories in which she praised Walker and disparaged his opponents while on the job -- that is, on the taxpayer's dime. Wink resigned hours after the Journal Sentinel's Dan Bice learned of her frequent postings and questioned her about them. While at work on her county computer, Wink also allegedly organized a fundraiser for Walker and wrote press releases for the Milwaukee County GOP." -- Mother Jones, Scott Walker and the Secret "John Doe" Investigation Explained

Email seen here...


4. Walker criticized Madison protests as being controlled by out-of-state groups, then went fundraising out-of-state to fight the local recall.

Governor Walker once said that the protests in Madison comprised of mostly people from out of state.

This was false, of course. But then, in a humorous turn, Walker campaigned not across Wisconsin, the state he is in charge of and powered by, but across the country, cultivating money and IOUs from donors for his recall battle. These are donors who likely have no knowledge of Wisconsin, but only a passing ideological interest in the outcome, i.e. squashing worker rights.


5. His foolishness was exposed when he was prank called by someone pretending to be a Koch brother.

A phone call which I later parodied (warning: shameless plug)...

6. Walker claimed no ill will towards unions, then video of his 'divide and conquer' strategy was released.

It's all about closing the budget deficit, he said. It's not about union bashing, he said. We knew it was a lie back then and now we have video proof. Instead of spreading the burden of closing the deficit across the state, he chose to put it on the backs of a select few state workers. No, let's not, as a state, share the burden of our debt, let's push it onto teachers. "They get summers off, right? Their job is EASY!" says a stupid person who knows no teachers/has never taught in their life.

He wanted to crush the unions, and he didn't even have the balls to say it to their faces. You're not man enough for this job, Walker. Not like Tom Barrett who just three years ago took a bloody beating when answering a young woman's cries for help.

These are two very different people.

7. Walker thinks the recall is a distraction from getting work done -- but he didn't think so when leading a recall effort against Russ Feingold in 1997.

That's right, while a state legislator in the late 90s, Scott Walker helped lead a recall against Senators Russ Feingold and Herb Kohl because of a disagreement on abortion. From now on, Scott Walker's nickname will be "the Goldfish," because his memory is comparable. Now we just need a big enough toilet.

Speaking of toilets...

8. Scott "Goldfish" Walker has no problem literally shitting on the state of Wisconsin.

Perhaps this should have been #2. Rimshot. Anyway...

A corporation called Herr Environmental, closely related to many Wisconsin Republican representatives through political contributions, improperly dumped huge amounts of human sewage on land near 40 wells. DNR investigators recommended that the case be turned over to the Department of Justice, but Walker DNR appointees intervened and instead the company was issued citations in the amount of $4,338.

Walker's message to Wisconsin residents: Eat shit.