01/31/2011 02:00 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

My Rebuttal to the Rebuttal to the Rebuttal to the State of the Union

I watched the State of the Union and yet I was not given a televised rebuttal to it in which I could share my talking points. I mean thoughts. And I'm outraged about it. Because as a person with nothing new, interesting, or insightful to say I should really be given a platform to say it. It's apparently my right as an American. So while the networks and the lamestream media might have deprived me of my chance to deliver a nationally televised State of the Union rebuttal, I will not be silenced. I will share my thoughts now:

First of all, I thought after getting a three minute standing ovation before he even began talking that it would have been best for Obama to just stop right there. Best to quit while you're ahead.

But to my surprise he continued.

And good thing he did, because people loved it! Even as he gave a speech that outlined a lot of controversial ideas like treating teachers with respect, being nice to each other, and supporting the troops, people were constantly standing up to applaud. I think our country must truly be healed.

But Obama wasn't just concerned with the present -- he did a good job of setting ambitious goals for the future, like winning it, that sounded completely tangible and in no way vague and ridiculous. I thought it was good that a lot of the most impressive sounding goals he set are ones that will be achieved on dates far in the future, because that way people can and will totally hold him accountable if those goals haven't yet been met and they won't at all completely forget about the fact he had even set them in the first place.

In addition to all the points he made, I thought the speech itself was well delivered. But it was made even more dynamic by all the cutaways to random unidentified people staring blankly into space. Television at its finest!

I also like how Obama tailored his speech to the audience, like for example when he said "the worst recession most of us have ever known" rather than "the worst recession we have ever known" because he knew that John McCain was present. That was considerate of him.

Speaking of John McCain, I'm not quite sure who that sad Frankenstein-looking man was he was sitting next to, but from what I could tell they were discussing in a dull monotone with each other about how much they hate George Bush and how much better it would be if they both lived in an alternate dimension that was exactly the opposite in every way to this one. Regardless, it's good to see he's made a friend.

And its moments like that, almost as much as the speech itself, that made the whole thing so moving.

Like seeing, for the first time ever, two men of color at the podium during the State of the Union. And watching Joe Biden appear in public for an entire hour without saying or doing anything stupid or embarrassing. It was truly inspirational.

There were some problems though. No one yelled anything at Obama during the speech, which is always the most exciting part. And Obama should at some point probably learn to pronounce Taliban and Pakistan like every single other person in America does. And I think some of his facts were a little off. For example he said we're still at war? I haven't heard anything about that on the news since 2007, so I'm pretty sure its not still going on.

But overall, a pretty solid job by Mr. Obama

Even better than the president's speech though was Paul Ryan's and that's because Paul Ryan. Is A. Very Dynamic. Public Speaker. And it was reassuring to hear what I can only assume was an old Ronald Reagan speech repeated verbatim. It brought me back to the good old days. And it brought up some great points. Like how business as usual needs to end. I agree, and I will definitely fight with Mr. Ryan against whatever group it is that has been largely controlling the national agenda for the past 30 years.

My only complaint with the speech though was that it could have used some more specifics. Perhaps a roadmap for America's future even. Like the one written and introduced to the floor of the House in 2008 by some congressman named Paul Ryan. I'm sure it was full of good ideas that would be roundly embraced by the American people, and yet it was never mentioned. Perhaps he never read it.

The best speech of all though belonged to Michelle Bachmann. All of her points were totally grounded in reality and not at all outdated and/or reactionary. And they were delivered with the slow deliberate authority of a semi-literate kindergarten teacher. Which I liked. Best of all, Mrs. Bachmann totally helped to dispel the myth of the Tea Party as being full of dumb uneducated simpletons by including lots of visual aids in her speech and making sure she steered clear of any big words or long sentences. It was wonderful!

But enough of what I thought about these amazing and completely transformational speeches, tell me what YOU thought. Because if a tree falls in the forest and there aren't at least 200 people all yelling over each other what they thought of the tree then it probably doesn't make a sound.