06/26/2014 03:41 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

What it Means When Your Wife Gives You a Yellow Card

Sports are the cause of some pretty amazing things. They motivate people. They reduce stress and improve overall health. They boost confidence and self-esteem.

But, sadly, professional sports are also the cause of marital conflicts in living rooms everywhere. Absentee men are to blame.

Sure, our husbands may be physically present; but, really, their minds and souls are in Brazil at the moment. A week into the World Cup, I decided if you can't win 'em, you might as well join 'em. I took it upon myself to learn some basic rules of the game. A little googling taught me a thing or two about the penalty cards. Seemed simple enough. Common sense, really.

It amazes me how many people (men) know and understand the rules of sports -- enough to jump off their ass-imprinted couches to scream obscenities at the referee for a bad call -- but struggle with the basic rules of marriage. For them, I offer some support. Here goes.

Marital Offenses That Will Get You a Penalty Card:



In short: Yellow card offenses are forgivable -- so long as they don't become persistent behavior. Red cards, on the other hand, will leave you wifeless, and possibly in prison. So, do yourself a favor and play clean.

I hope this helps, boys. We all know you need all the help you can get.

Anjali Joshi is a teacher turned stay-at-home mom who loves sharing her tales of terror and lessons of love. She blogs at The Adventures of a New Mom and writes for Masalamommas.