07/16/2013 10:42 am ET Updated Sep 15, 2013

Shade! Are Sunglasses Shady?

Urban Dictionary Definition of Shade:

Can be used as a noun or verb.
Noun form = illegitimate behavior

Verb form = typically accompanied with the word "throw" or "throwing," as in to "throw someone shade" meaning to act shady, fake, or funny around or towards them.

Person 1: They went to the club and ain't even invite us!
Person 2: Shade!

My relationship with sunglasses has been complicated long before Anna Wintour declared them "useful" and fashionably acceptable to wear indoors. Truth be told, I feel uber self-conscious wearing sunglasses, sunnies, shades (or whatever your term of choice), whether I'm indoors or out. I determined while sipping a rather offensively oversized glass of red wine, that my quandary must go back to my college days, where I was as a track athlete -- first, a Papa John's pizza "connoisseur" -- second and a student -- third.

Some track athletes donned the "oh so cool" Oakley's to shield glare from stadium bleachers. Not such a bad idea, I thought at time. (Did I mention I also thought eating pizza at midnight before a 5am run was not a bad idea, either?) As I started to eyeball a purple pair (yes, a little embarrassing to admit), I overheard my coach make comment, "None of MY girls will wear shades, and if they do, they better plan on winning the race!" Oy.... I took her words to heart, because the shades forever stayed in my sports bag.

It was an interesting thought. According to my coach's line of reasoning, wearing "shades" meant you thought of yourself as cool, the best or a winner. Maybe my coach and Anna were right after all. Those crazy daredevils that wear sunglasses indoors (or, better yet, at night) must think they are cool, right? And they just might be (Anna is exempt from this debate obviously. She IS cool.) Note: Of course, some wearers at night are probably just hiding glassy-looking eyes. Fair.

What about those peeps that aren't so hip? What about them? Are shades something to hide behind, or are the shades a form of confidence booster, a "liquid courage" shot of Don Julio Real straight from the bottle? We can all admit that some people do look better in their shades.

I'll go out on a limb and say that the pair of shades you choose speaks volumes about you. Personally, I think those oversized, bug-eyed styles look ridiculous. This again most likely has to do with my own past demons. I know people that wear them well. I just think they are distracting to the other people in the world. It's like saying, "Hey! I'm blocking you out!" Some Joe Cools will view it as "throwing shade." Let's not forget that they are probably the smart ones by protecting the largest part of their eye area -- lest we forget the true purpose of this statement accessory.

The classic Ray-Ban Wayfarers, Aviators and an occasional Cat Eye are about all I can muster. I will add that the first two styles look great on almost everyone. My inner stylist has to wonder if that is why I take a second look at a clearly not-my-type-kind-of-guy that is rocking Wayfarers.

So, let me break this down by the style/personality (in my opinion):

Aviator: Classic with a Bohemian edge.

Wayfarer: Hot guy. (Joke). But, universally well-rounded. Logical. Easy on the eyes. (No pun intended). **NB: The neon and rainbow lens wearers have an entirely different personality.

Neon/Rainbow lens Wayfarer: Hipster. Or celebrity that wants to add a "pop of color" to an outfit.

Oversized: Attention-seeker or hider. Or most-likely a girl who "works" in "fashion."

Cat Eye: Glamazon.

Circular: Academic or Beyoncé.

So far this summer I'm just wearing a baseball cap instead of choosing a style. What does that say about my personality? Thankfully, my non-sunglasses-wearing therapist has the patience of a saint. What is your style?