06/02/2010 03:32 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Hills Now & Then

A funny thing happened before I watched this week's episode of The Hills. Well, not so much funny as it was coincidentally well-timed - for a completely separate project my writing partner and I set out to watch a few pilots in an exercise to learn by example (or something). Somewhere in the mix was the very first episode of The Hills - not really a pilot, and certainly not scripted TV (well, in the traditional sense), but it was one hell of a social experiment watching that first episode again; Heidi before the surgery, Lauren before she let her eyebrows grow in a little bit, Whitney as endearing as always and Audrina being... well, she hasn't changed much.

The show then bears little resemblance to the show now. Everyone seemed so young, naïve, and innocent. Heidi was a real girl (interestingly enough she started the show in an unstable relationship - she's definitely got a track record). It was fun to watch moments of these girls making mistakes, trying to figure out life, and navigate their new home. Le sigh.

Now we have a show on its last legs. I mean, does anyone else besides me watch The Hills anymore? And trust me, I do it with severe reluctance each time, especially during episodes like this week's - another one strangely void of any Heidi and Spencer drama (thank God their much-publicized split is everywhere, or else we might never know that Jennifer Bunney has apparently gone to the same plastic surgeon as Heidi!).

So, what happened? In a nutshell: Lo is awesome and beautiful and she has a job! A real job! Who knew!?! And she's helping Brody's new gal pal - the one who looks suspiciously like Stacie the Bartender but suspiciously spells her name funny; it's Mckaela - get a job. Ah Lo, she's so wise and worldly. I feel like she and I would be great friends (Lo, call me!).

Kristin, feeling spurned after her failed attempts at Friends With Benefits with Brody, joins Stacie on a manhunt in Venice, at which point the faux reality of The Hills got a little too close to my reality. See, I too am a twenty-something young lady who frequents various Venice locales (that's my 'hood) however I feel I must speak on behalf of the entire population of that region of LA and note that despite what we saw go down in Nikki's, Kristin and Stacie's Westside bar of choice, there are in fact lots of attractive, well-mannered, eligible young men in the Venice area. Sure there are a lot of bums in Venice. But for every bum there's a fine young lad behind the velvet rope nearby. Sadly, Kristin and Stacie only found the bum-types, which makes me wonder how they'd do playing the game "Hipster or Homeless" (sure, that's a real game). In the end it looked like Kristin ended up back with Brody. I get it Kristin, he's hot. We all have our Achilles Heel. I'm a little jealous that yours is Brody Jenner but whatever.

There was also lots of Audrina and Ryan and the return of Justin Bobby who speaks in riddles and I was distracted by Audrina's vacant stare, just as she was distracted by Justin Bobby's alluring web. Or something.

Have Heidi and Spencer been missing from the last two episodes because they are too much of a liability? Do you think Spencer threatens the cameramen and crew the way he does everyone else within in a five foot radius? I mean, they weren't even featured in the "scenes from next week." Speaking of, holy hotcakes the next episode looks fantastic. Who is this Allie Lutz character and why does Kristin hate her so much? Did we meet her in the one season I missed? Regardless, I can't wait to find out!