09/20/2010 09:13 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

The Horrifying Return of Fall TV

This is it.

The return of fall TV.

Finally, it's that very time of year I anticipate with about as much nervous excitement as abject horror.

Yes, horror. How in the world will I ever have time to watch all these shows? For example, on Thursday nights between the hours of 8 and 9pm, there are six different shows that I intend to watch -- The Vampire Diaries, Bones, Community, 30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, and maybe even My Generation. In that time slot alone. No, seriously. Is it humanly possible? Can I manage to watch not just these six shows, but all the other shows on all the other nights, and keep up with them from week-to-godforsaken week? (By the way, this is an even more daunting question to ask yourself if you work in TV and thus feel a certain obligation to watch various shows. Just sayin'.) Can I do all this and still maintain some semblance of the normal social life one might expect of a young professional in their mid-twenties?

Voila, horror. (And an existential crisis while we're at it).

Let's be honest -- I can't do this. So what does that mean? Like many other TV fans awaiting the new season with equal anticipation and gut-clenching stress, I will be strict and selective when I ultimately chose the shows I plan to follow through the year. I will be a critical viewer, looking for only the shows that I deem worthy of my highly-coveted attention. In other words, I'll probably get distracted by a commercial, or some joke someone made on Twitter, or a shiny object, and stop watching at least a third of the shows I start with. And yes, I'll probably find myself a month from now, hearing everyone else rave about a new breakout hit that is so amazing if you only give it a chance and is a total-must see. And I will have missed it.

More horror.

I know I'm not alone here. I know that many other avid TV addicts are staring glossy-eyed at their DVRs right now feeling completely hopeless. So what do we do? How will we get through this?

Eh. My advice, as a like-minded individual with little-to-no authority on the subject, is this: give up. At a certain point you just need to stop caring about missing out on certain shows and try to remember that watching TV is supposed to be fun -- not a chore. At least that's what I'll be telling myself later this week as I make a final Thursday night at 8pm decision. My Generation, I'm sorry but it's not looking good.