05/08/2015 11:52 am ET Updated May 08, 2016

Please Don't F*@# Up Mother's Day -- The Ultimate Mother's Day Gift Guide for $0

Dear Dad of Young Kids,

I know that you are feeling pressure to bring your A Game this Sunday. I promise, if you successfully complete the 15 tasks below, the mother of your child will have the best Mother's Day Ever. If you want to go shopping for a trinket or flowers, you go do that! I'm not here to give you advice on a physical gift. Here's a guide for what you could do on Sunday, which as they say, would be PRICELESS.

1) Get up with your child/children and get them OUT of the house until Mom wakes up on her own. Let her get some sleep and rise on her own clock. If this means noontime, it is what it is. Pouncing on the bed and bringing the kids in can wait, she won't mind.

2) Under no circumstances can you be the one that takes a nap on Mother's Day. Naps are granted to the kids and Mom, but not you. Load up on coffee buddy!

3) Mom will not be bothered while in the bathroom. Let her do her thing in peace for one day. Intercept any child heading to her door.

4) Mom will not be bothered while in the shower under any circumstance.

5) Mom will not tend to any chores on Mother's Day. This includes, washing pump parts, laundry, sweeping up crumbs, or going to the grocery store.

6) The children will be dressed by you from head to toe. Don't forget to pack a sweater if it is cold out.

7) Defusing tantrums? All yours buddy.

8) Being the referee for siblings that fight? You got that too.

9) Ask her how long she wants to spend time with her in-laws if you see them that day too, and do your best to respect your mom and your wife's special day.

10) Mom will not find anything that you can't locate. Be a self -cleaning oven that day and resolve all matters. If it means little Timmy wears two different shoes, no big deal.

11) Mom will not be responsible for bottle preparation or food preparation of any kind. This includes feeding the child/children. Baby getting her boob is the only meal service she will be involved in.

12) Diaper Duty is yours, embrace it. Own it. Love it.

13) Meals will have been thought out for Sunday. It can be Taco Bell for all she cares, just don't ask her to make any decisions of any kind. It is not rocket science to think hard about what kind of meal she would enjoy.

14) Take out a piece of paper and a pen. Write her a card and tell her how you feel about her the night before. Have the kids do the same and if they are too young, be their voice. Present this to her while you doing any of the above.

15) When she finally is ready to start the day, give her the best hug you can, and let her enjoy the child/children and be present in the moment throughout the whole day. The best present for her, is to have the energy to be present for you all.

Good luck, you got this! The 15 steps above were the complaints my mommy friends had last year on our first Mother's Day. We just want a day off fellas!