Okay ladies, we've all read the Cosmo articles that swear they'll help you hook a boyfriend by the time you're done reading it. Now as helpful as these articles are in telling you what to do, I find that they're lacking a bit in the way of telling us readers what NOT to do. So if you want to send a guy running for the hills (or for another guy) without ever looking back, here's what I suggest:
• If you're casually studying in the library with your crush and he says he has to leave for class, ask why he's breaking up with you. Immediately. How dare he tries to leave you in the library while he has to "go to class." You deserve better. If his phone rings and he asks if he can answer because it's his mom, call him out on lying. "Oh, it's your mom? You're such a liar. I know you're cheating on me so tell me who she is."
• Try and use quotes from movies starring Julia Roberts. This is usually the best way to get any guy (and almost anyone else) to want to cut off his own arm. My personal favorite is from the movie Notting Hill, (R.I.P. cute Hugh Grant) "Don't forget -- I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." That being said, you must be aware of the situation you're in and choose your quote accordingly.
• Speak in foreign accents as often as possible. You know, those funny British accents that you and you friends do? Guys don't find them quite as funny and when I asked a boy on my dorm floor if he liked my faux French accent, he said, and I quote, "No."
• Talk about how you don't eat. Anything from "No yeah, like I just haven't wanted to eat today" to "I just never have time to eat, it's so weird how I'm never hungry." Not possible. Physically, that is not possible. You could also try asking a guy if you look fat but in a really confident way, "Do you think I look fat? I know that I don't and I know that I'm really pretty but I just wanted a second opinion."
• Comment on every post and picture on his Facebook. If it's a status about sports, "Go team! Did you guys all watch the Olympics? I freaking love Gabby Douglas! <3." If it's a picture of him fishing, "WOW! Anything on the other end of the line? Besides me! Kidding! Lol!"
I hope that these hints prove to be helpful the next time you're trying to court the man of your dreams. Just remember this general rule: if a guy doesn't like you, he's probably gay. You're not doing anything wrong. And if the guy you like does end up being gay, remember that you can change him. You will make him fall in love with you if it's the last thing that you do. Anderson Cooper... I'm not going anywhere.