THE BLOG
03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your 2009 NL Manager of the Year, Mr. Jim Tracy

Major League Baseball will announce its 2009 National League Manager of the Year on Wednesday, and the way I see it, the only way Jim Tracy doesn't walk away with the award is if Clint Hurdle gets to cast all 32 votes. Of course, after Tracy is presented with the award, he will probably make some brief remarks to the media in which he will do what every other manager always does in his position -- he'll give all the credit to his players. "I couldn't have done it without them," he'll say. "A manager can only take the team so far," he'll say. "At the end of the day, it's up to the players to execute," he'll say.

But why? Why defer all of the attention to your players? I mean the fact of the matter is that next year, or the year after that, or whenever it is that the Rockies eventually go colder than Denver in January, Jim Tracy is the one that will take the blame, and Jim Tracy is the one that will be fired. So on Wednesday, if Jim Tracy gets the opportunity to bask in the glory of an inexplicably superb managerial season, why shouldn't he take some credit for what he's done? I'd say he's earned it.

To help make this easier for Jim, I decided to draft some remarks for him to use on Wednesday if things go well. After all, Jim Tracy may not be as good at self-promotion as I am (see the previous paragraph where I hyperlinked to one of my own posts), so I thought it would be nice to help him out.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 2009 National League Manager of the Year, Mr. Jim Tracy:

Thank you, thank you very much. It's truly an honor to receive this award. On this special occasion, I'd like to say a few words to all of the people that helped make this day possible.

First, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank myself for kicking some serious ass this year. Seriously Jim, congratulations on a job well done. Not a chance LaRussa or Torre could have done what you did this year. You rule.

Next, some words for my team: Guys, when I first took over as your manager six months ago, you were awful. I mean aw-ful. Seriously, you guys couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat. Even the Nationals were starting to look like an upgrade.

Sure, you were a talented group of guys just two years removed from a World Series appearance, but since that World Series you guys were a collective 24 games under .500, so clearly you weren't that good, right? And it's not like that Hurdle fella was doing you any favors either. I mean, Clint Hurdle was so bad that he literally made me look like the Manager of the Year by comparison. Wow.

But of course, everything changed once Jim Tracy came to town. A 74-42 record, a wild card berth, and an NLDS run that gave the eventual National League Champion Phillies all they could handle. You think you guys could have done all of that without me? Not a chance.

Third, I'd like to send a shout out to the Rockies' General Manager, Mr. Dan O'Dowd. Hey Dan, remember that time I single-handedly resurrected the Rockies' season and totally saved your job in the process? 'Cause I do. I'm not gonna say you owe me one buddy, but let's just say that we've got a long Colorado winter ahead, and my driveway ain't gonna shovel itself. You feel me?

Also, to the Rockies' brass that hired me assuming I would be a complete failure and allow them to start fresh with a new manager and GM in 2010, I'd like to say the following:

2009 MANAGER OF THE YEAR MOTHER F&@%ERS!! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?

Seriously though, I'm sorry I spoiled that one for you guys. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time, but as it turns out, the ol' Jimster is quite the manager.

And to the fans: thank you for believing. I couldn't have done it without all of your support. Well actually, to be more accurate, I couldn't have done it without all of your money. The gobs of cash you poured into this team over the past few years will eventually go to pay the exorbitant salary I will no doubt receive after the Rockies are forced to give me a contract extension, so I really appreciate the help. Two words fans: Ca. Ching.

And finally, in closing, I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge all of the other National League managers that were up for this award. Congrats on a great season you guys. Unfortunately, you were just up against some impossible competition -- namely, me. But hey, there's always next year, right?

Again, thank you all so very much for this humbling award. God bless you, God bless America, and most importantly, God bless Jim Tracy.