Happy New Year, HuffPosters! May your 2007 be filled with love, laughter, passion, and lots of blogging and blog reading.
Through the years, I've discovered something about New Year's resolutions: while it's not so easy to keep them, it's very easy to make them for other people. And a lot more fun, too. So it's become something of a personal New Year's tradition to offer resolutions I'd like to hear assorted public figures make and keep. Here is this year's batch:
"I will run for president of the United States." -- Sen. Barack Obama
"I will run for president of the United States." -- Al Gore
"I will not run for president of the United States. But if I do, I will speak from my heart and not triangulate every issue within an inch of its life." -- Sen. Hillary Clinton
"I will develop a better pick up line than 'get a ruler and measure it for me.'" -- Mark Foley
"I will avoid making appearances on daytime TV after brutal nights spent downing limoncellos." -- Danny DeVito
"I will stop torturing myself by asking 'What if?'" -- Jeb Bush
"I will use my heartfelt condolence notes to express my heartfelt condolences, not as a PR tool. And I will learn how to spell adequite." -- Lindsay Lohan
"I will not take SNL's 'Dick in a Box' video as a gift-giving primer." -- Bill Clinton
"I will not grant interviews about important issues after 5 pm -- or anytime I don't know what the hell I'm talking about." -- Rep. Silvestre Reyes, incoming chair of the House Intelligence Committee
"We will admit that guns, in fact, really do kill people, and lots of them." -- the NRA
"I will avoid licking another girl's breast, at least in public." -- Katie Rees, dethroned Miss Nevada
"I will pick a party and stick with it." -- Sen. Joe Lieberman
"I will keep speaking out until the troops are home, no matter how I get slimed by George Bush and Karl Rove." -- Rep. Jack Murtha
"I will keep making episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm." -- Larry David
"I will keep my vile racist comments to myself." -- Michael Richards, Mel Gibson, George Allen
"We will stop pushing our product to kids." -- The makers of Prozac
"We will stop pushing our products to kids." -- The makers of cigarettes
"I will write on the blackboard one thousand times: 'Bad boys don't make good husbands.'" -- Pamela Anderson, Denise Richards, Whitney Houston, Kate Moss
"I will no longer shoot my friends in the face -- concentrating instead on the torso and legs." -- Dick Cheney
"When we hear bullshit, we will call it bullshit" -- The Mainstream Media
"We will keep speaking truth -- and punchlines -- to power." -- Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
"I'm finally going to gain those pesky 15 pounds, so I can fit into that darling size 1 dress I've had my eye on." -- Kiera Knightly, Kate Bosworth, Mischa Barton, Nicole Richie, and the rest of the bony is beautiful brigade
"I will stop selling celebs on the concentration camp look." -- celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe
"Panty check. Every day." -- Britney Spears
"I will get my list together for the world's biggest mass e-mail apology." -- Donald Rumsfeld
"I will pick a hair color that occurs naturally in nature before I pick up Rosie's girlfriend." -- Donald Trump
"When people ask me why I'm gay I will have them watch The Apprentice." -- Rosie O'Donnell
"I will ask Angelina about how to have a smoother baby adoption process." -- Madonna
"I will remember that I once actually had courage and conviction and stop sucking up to the religious right." -- Sen. John McCain
"I will give the numerous sections in the New Testament about poverty and the poor more deference than I give to the few Old Testament rants about homosexuality." -- James Dobson
"I will give this Dolly Parton tribute thing a rest. Or at least bother to learn the words and stuff." -- Jessica Simpson
"I will realize the problem in Iraq isn't the media, it's the guy sleeping next to me." -- Laura Bush
"I will tell the President what I really think instead of what he wants to hear." -- Condoleezza Rice
"Hearings. Subpoenas. Oversight." -- Sen. Harry Reid
"I will realize that real men do admit mistakes, do change course, and don't let their Oedipal issues get in the way of doing the right thing." -- George W. Bush
Okay, HuffPosters, it's your turn. What resolutions would you like to hear?