The Science of Surrender

06/10/2013 04:46 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

My favorite definition of surrender comes from the websiteᅡᅠTinyBuddha:
"Surrender is complete acceptance of what is, knowing it will all be okay, even without my input."

That last line seals the deal. "... without my input."ᅡᅠDeep sigh. You mean, I don't have to figure it out, try to "fix," understand or meddle? There is a larger hand at work guiding this? Hmm...

Personally, I'm not very good at this. In fact, horrible. I like to think it's my empathic nature -- the Cancerian nature that wants to "help," gets her pincers stuck... clinging to what I want or thinks I know more than someone else so I should jump in. It probably has more to do with my perfectionist control freak -- which I didn't really notice until recently when I (finally) hired an assistant and learned (slowly) how to delegate. What a relief! Someone is actually much better at doing certain things than I am and doesn't need my input!

Lately, I've come face-to-face with how much I try to will things to happen and manipulate circumstances to turn out like I think they should. Read: It's all about me, my desires and what I want... with little consideration for what might be best for someone else, their life path or the larger scale of greater good.

Surrendering means to let go of control over a person, circumstance or outcome. The need to control is rooted in fear. We're afraid of what will happen in a situation if it turns out differently than how we think it should. "Should" being the key word here.

When we try to control something, we assume that we know what's best and omnipotently see through the eyes of Spirit. When we control, we conclude that our agenda is best for everyone. The problem is that control stems from our personal projections, belief systems and attachments - our attempt to prove our worth, feel good and be right.

SURRENDER is the soul sister of TRUST.

To surrender is to trust something greater than ourselves, which allows us to deepen our trust in the Universe.

Albert Einstein said that ourᅡᅠgreatest skill is to decide whether we believe in an altruistic, supportive universe or an antagonistic universe that is out to get us. Do you believe the Universe has your back, or do you believe that life is a tough battle with many forces fighting against you? Glass half full or half empty?

When we have a positiveᅡᅠsense of safety and stabilityᅡᅠ(initially rooted in loving, consistent parenting from our early childhood) - it is easier to trust in something greater than ourselves. We believe that the Universe will show up to do its part, is supporting us and help will arrive.

As we begin to trust, we move out of the thinking, logical mind and into the realm of Spirit. A spiritual perspective invites us to see beyond form. We trust the unknown and unseen. We allowᅡᅠthe heartᅡᅠand our intuition or third eye perspectiveᅡᅠto guide us and let go of our need to assume, control, manipulate and define.

There are certain issues that reveal my wavering doubt and occasional lack of trust in Spirit's timing. Will I find my perfectly compatible life partner? Will I get married?ᅡᅠWill I have children? Will I make the kind of money I desire and touch the number of people I wish with my work?

Because these doubts commonly take residence in my mind, I've started to "try on" the coat of Trust. Literally, in my morning meditation, I sit in silence and cloak myself in a field of absolute knowing and deep trust that all I desire desires me. It is coming my way. I practice feeling spacious and easeful, eradicating the constriction and tightness of breath which accompany fear.


1. Pinpoint your fear.
  • What are you afraid of?
  • What's the worst that can happen if you don't control the outcome?
  • Is it true? (Check out Byron Katie's The Work for more on this crucial question.)
  • Is it absolutely true that your situation will be worse if it doesn't work out the way you think it "should"?
2. Plug ᅡᅠinto the field of all possibilities.
Attempting to control means we limit possibilities. As we surrender we begin to open up to all options - especially those beyond what we can see or even imagine. Deepak Chopra talks about plugging into the field of infinite possibilites and remembering our true nature and Source energy is beyond our wildest imagination. For a moment, ponder with wonderment and awe the nature of life and who you really are. You are not forgotten. You are special.

3. Use meditation and breathwork to relax body and mind. My favorite is to repeat the mantra "let go" as I inhale and exhale. On the INHALE focus on the word "Let". EXHALE, silently repeat the word "Go". ᅡᅠWhile this is simplistic, it works.

4. Use yoga and exercise to identify and release tension in your physical body. As you consciously begin to let go through your material body, you will also begin to let go through your psychological body.

5. Ask for help, pray, create a ritual
to connect with your intuition and something greater than yourself. Practice developing your own, deeply personal relationship with Spirit. Build an altar to what it is you are struggling with releasing. Use Essential Oils (I highly recommend the blendᅡᅠ
) to help you surrender.
  • In the comments below, let us know what helps you surrender?
  • What are the tools that help you let go?
  • What have been the most difficult things for you to let go of?
Big Love,


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