Let me start this article by saying that I want to share with you a book that has literally brought new life into this aging body, mind and soul of mine. I learned about this book when Esther Perel recommended it after reading my article that mentioned her TedTV video on Love and Desire in a Long-Term Relationship.
The author, François Roland, is a self-proclaimed quintessential Frenchman, who knows personally about women, making love and living a sensual life. Not sure if this was a book for me, I grabbed the sample chapter for my Kindle to see if it was all that it claimed to be. Let's just say I quickly bought the book after reading the first chapter!
Encouraged by many to write the book, Being French! A Frenchman's Guide to a More Sensual Life, François felt that he may have something to offer on this topic, particularly to North Americans. And he did not fail to deliver. He gives hope to those who have not found love or a sensual life, shares how to reignite the passion in one's marriage and gives insight to both sexes on the opposite sex.
As I read through the pages of this book, I not only felt the changes that were happening in me but I could actually see them. I could see I walked more confidently with a new lightness in my step. I was starting to feel better about myself. I felt empowered. As he expresses in his book, "I make you see your own beauty and just from that you stretch even more beautiful. You let it blossom because it starts to radiate from inside you." How could you not feel different after reading those words?
I really started noticing some major changes when I took François' advice and bought some sexy panties. I know this sounds crazy but it is true. There is a reason he dedicates a whole chapter to this subject. He encourages women to treat themselves and wear sexy panties for the pure "sensual femininity" of it. He goes onto say that it is important to "create an inner picture of the sensual woman you feel like being today". It makes a big difference for one's self-image to be wearing sexy lingerie instead of granny undies. I must say, French women may have something here! I do feel sexier just knowing that under my plain jeans I am wearing some very fine lingerie.
Further in the book, François addresses self-image in a chapter aptly titled, Real Bodies. He not only gives us permission to accept our bodies as they are, but also explains why a real body is far more sensual than one that is perfect (even though there is no such thing). A body devoid of lines, scars, hair and imperfections is like eating a rice cake for dinner. A full course meal with all the extras is far more appetizing! Do you not agree?
So, here I sit, reading this book while wearing my sexy undies, feeling my body is beautiful and I get to the chapter on Images and Sensual Life.
But wait, before I continue, I must digress for a moment to tell you what my husband said to me. One morning as I am dressing, he looks over and says, "Are you working out?" I stared at him with a quizzical look on my face. He continued to say that my body is looking great. Hum, I find this interesting because no, I am not working out. What I am doing is feeling better about myself. I am feeling more sensual and it is actually showing! Woot! François' words are working their magic!
So, back to the chapter on Images... I took this chapter to task and started photographing myself with gusto! I am here to tell you that to look at yourself in a mirror is very different than seeing a photo of yourself. Initially I was taking photos with my face in them and I found I was paying too much attention on how I "looked" as opposed to studying my body. When I took my face out of the equation it became a very personal and sensual journey to self enlightenment. I saw the good, the bad and, quite frankly, the ugly. But what also surprised me was that I was a little turned on by my body. It was indeed sexy and desirable. I started playing with different locations, lighting and so on. I started dressing provocatively, such as with just my husband's shirt on. Initially I did these for me and then I really wanted to share them!
These photos have completely transformed our marriage. Our sex life, of course, has changed over the years with all sorts of ups and downs, with my libido waning to almost nonexistence over these last few years. My husband would always say to me, "What can I do?" and I always rebutted saying that it was not about him but me. I had no idea how true this statement was until I read this book.
Since I have learned to enjoy my aging body by touching it, looking at it and appreciating it for what it is, it has, in turn, wanted me to be touched, to be seen and yes, desired. It has brought back much of the joy in our lovemaking.
If I could, I would love to sit down with François, over a cup of tea, and tell him how his book has transformed this woman of 50 into someone whose sensuality has been reawakened by his wit, cleverness and steamy stories. 50 Shades of Grey has nothing on real life. Oh la la!
You can buy his book on Amazon.