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Sarah is the tall, and she has fake black hair. This is the only part of her that is fake. She likes the mountains. But instead of spending time there, she sits in front of her computer in her down vest and flip-flops, resenting the smell of dog farts and writing. Her favorite color is green. She is working on a memoir about reproductive technology, homophobia and perfectionism. She blogs about psychology, identity, computers and gender, at sarahanngilbert.com. If you have an appreciation of satire, send her a message on Twitter @sarahanngilbert