I am no stranger to making deals with God. When I was a child, I would promise God that if I didn't get into trouble this one time then I would never ask Lori E. for bubble gum again. And years later, when I was waiting to hear if I got the internship that I wanted, I implored God once again -- "Please, give me this internship and I'll never think a bad thought again." Later when my daughter was driving home in a bad snow storm I turned to God again and begged: "Bring my daughter home safely and I will never ask you for anything else ever." My daughter did make it home safely. She is a safe driver and had excellent snow tires but I couldn't help associating my deal with God as being connected to her safe arrival.
So, was I true to my word? Was this the last deal that I was going to make with God? Was it the last favor I was going to ask?
One month ago, I had a mammogram that appeared suspicious. That led to an MRI, a biopsy, and last week to another biopsy. The second biopsy was a surgical biopsy. And here I was lying on the surgical table thinking "Please God just one more favor -- let this not be cancer. I'm sorry that I'm so vain and don't want to lose my hair. I'm sorry that I am not ready to join the pink tribe. I will do anything, yes anything if these biopsy results come back cancer-free. I didn't know what that anything would be.
Results came back on Thursday. I do NOT have cancer. I am beyond thrilled. I immediately made a facial appointment and bought some new clothing. What am I going to do to fulfill my promise to God? I don't know. One thing I do know, however, is that I will no longer promise to make no more promises.
Oh, and one more thing: I have these weird superstitious thoughts that if I'm nice to the nurses, reception staff, etc. then my chances of getting bad news go down. This is very similar to when I was a young adult waiting to hear back from graduate schools. If I was nice to the postman then he would surely bring me good news. I'm not referring to behaving in an unusually different way than I usually do. Instead, I'm talking about just being a little more cheerful and engaging.
And if it doesn't help me get admitted to grad school, etc. at least I'd feel good about being cheerful, engaging and smiling.
In my efforts to make deals with God and engage in superstitious behavior maybe I'm simply trying to ensure my good karma. I now truly understand this word. I have to say that it baffled me for years.