03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Obama Attempts Escape in Presidential Helium Balloon

In White House news, upon hearing about the six-year old boy from Colorado who flew away in his parent's helium balloon, President Obama decided to escape the mounting pressures of being president by setting off in the Presidential helium balloon. Sources say that Obama departed the White House at 4 PM to "get some gum," but was then seen floating away in the large balloon.

"The man was getting a little overwhelmed," said White House press secretary, Robert Gibbs. "Between the economy, Afghanistan, and his recent Nobel Piece Prize, President Obama felt the burden of his job. Was it right to take off in a helium balloon - probably not. But we've sat the President down, and given him a lecture about 'when' and 'when not' to use the Presidential helium balloon."

The Presidential helium balloon has an interesting and diverse history. President Andrew Jackson, back in 1830, was the first president to use the helium balloon. He felt it was "the best way to oversee the removal of damn Indians from out great country." The balloon sat in storage until 1974, when Richard Nixon used it to flee America, bringing only Scotch, various important papers, and a shredder on board. Ronald Reagan last used the balloon in 1989; however, he thought that the balloon was an elevator to the roof of the White House. President Reagan was found hours later, 300 miles West of D.C., laughing wildly.

President Obama has vowed never to use the helium balloon again, and is back in the White House, trying to calmly fix the million contentious problems plaguing America. When confronted by reporters, former President George Bush claimed, "Geez, if I knew we a heliocentric whatever-a-thing, I would have fled the country right after I deployed that first soldier in Iraq."

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