11/14/2011 11:51 am ET

The Diary of Dow Jones

The lamentation of estrogen-laden Bridget Jones was echoed the globe over and is soon to be reanimated via a London musical circa 2012. Now hear it from her equally neurotic, testosterone-tested brother Dow Jones. Who, until now, had kept his curiouser and curiouser industrial cogitating to himself.

Monday: I need Premazone to fight the Eurozone. It's taking a toll on me. @Nouriel is still antagonistic. Note to 2012: no more falling for Mr.Doom. Gained 85.22 points today.

Tuesday: the "Pretty Girl Index" (Baidu! Chipotle! Estee Lauder! Hansen Natural!) is pulling a Dorian Gray and John Roque (WJB Capital technical analyst ) is its Basil Hallward. Gained 101.79 points today.

"Greece, The Musical" anyone? It worked for Enron. Lost 389.24 points today. Constant yoyo indecing is bound to leave chart marks.

The only Italian spread I can now trust is Nutella. Oftentimes I feel like a candlestick in the wind. Versace for H&M is debuting but I'm more of a Fibonacci guy myself. One week until "Black Thursday," Kohl's has added 20 per cent of junk in the 3Q profit trunk thanks, in part, to the Jennifer LPZ magic. Gained 112.92 points today.

Merry Palindrome Day to all! I need more Sensex in my life. Mr. and Mrs. Jolie/Pitt should also adopt Cac, Dax. and Bovespa. I'm afraid my Kodak moment has passed ($1.12 close). Gained 259.89 points today.



Dedicated to Bobby Kean, a man who loved the Dow Jones, vastly reciprocated.