12/05/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Slowest. Election. Day. Ever.

If the 2004 election day were a movie it would be reviewed by local stations as "a high octane thrill ride," "an edge of your seat adventure," and featuring a "a surprise ending guaranteed to shock."

We're halfway through the 2008 election day and the blurb is more apt for an arthouse indie film or documentary: "thought provoking," "a deep meditation on life in America," or "a nuanced look at modern life." Where are the hysterical twin shrieks of voter fraud and voter suppression? Where are the Drudge sirens proclaiming the exit poll results like Moses bringing the Ten Commandments from the mountaintop? At this time in 2004, we had crazy news stories about machines in Philadelphia running up Kerry votes before the polls opened, wild speculation about turnout going one way or the other, not to mention the reverberations of the Bin Laden videotape being dissected every which way. Now we have nothing but a bunch of fawning op-ed pieces already debating the first 100 days of the Obama administration. Can't we gin up at least a little Tuesday mayhem before we get to the fawning write-ups of the campaign?

Lamest. Election. Day. Ever.