THE BLOG
12/11/2014 05:44 pm ET Updated Feb 10, 2015

7 Off-the-Wall Literary Gifts

There are lots of gift lists floating around this time of year, but a classy, understated present isn't every book nerd's cup of tea. Why be subtle when you can be sassy and weird? Tap directly into their favorite bookish fandom with one of these unusual offerings:

Shakespeare Insult Gum
Give them something to chew on both physically and mentally with a seven-volume set of Shakespeare Insult Gum. Each tiny box contains two gumballs and one withering Shakespearean insult, plus the whole thing is packaged in a miniscule bookshelf. If the Bard's burn is too much, throw in some Shakespearean Insult Bandages to help them heal and rub salt into their wounds at the same time. You can even make it an author gift basket with Edgar Allen Poe candy and Jane Austen toothpaste at Archie McPhee.

Portrait of Jane Austen With A Dodo
Ah, Etsy, you never disappoint. Why is Jane Austen holding a dodo? Probably the same reason Rick Weetman's shop also offers a portrait of Charles Dickens with a small wooly mammoth. Because it's art! Consider it a collector's item or tell your giftee to use it as inspiration for some British author/extinct animal fan fiction.

Personalized Romance/Erotic Book
Let's face it, every book nerd has wanted to step into the pages of a favorite novel at some point. U Star Novelscan insert the giftee into one of many books, from classics like Pride & Prejudice to steamy erotica filled with vampires (Blood Lust) or werewolves (Dark Wolf). Just fill out the questionnaire with all the personal details, and your BFF finally gets a shot with Mr. Darcy.

Bacon Magnetic Poetry Kit
Sure, you can wax poetic about a perfect sunset or a wonderful kiss, but everyone knows the best poetry involves the love between bacon and the person about to eat it. Stick some sizzle in someone's stocking with the Bacon Magnetic Poetry Kit and prepare yourself for pork-related haikus on the fridge for a year.

Anything by The Bloggess
Most New York Times-bestselling authors don't have Zazzle shops filled to the brim with wonderful weirdness, but they're not Jenny Lawson, better known as The Bloggess. She designs lots of wild items for her fans, from the "Be Nice or I Will Stab You" notebook to inside jokes like the "Diarrhea" mug, the "Unicorn Success Club" t-shirt or the fan favorite, an apron featuring Juanita the taxidermied weasel. All are perfect gifts for the Strangelings in your life who shriek "Beyonce!" whenever they see a giant metal chicken.

Margaret Atwood Doll
Who needs Barbie when you have Margaret Atwood? Etsy's own Debbie Ritter makes a host of unbearably cute author dolls from Erma Bombeck to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. These handcrafted dolls are made more for looking than playing, but any book nerd is going to play with them anyway.

Stephen King Life Mask
Do you know a Stephen King fan who likes to look at him but needs something a bit more...three-dimensional? Pop over to eBay for a replica of the life mask made of King for the 1982 movie Creepshow. The resin mask, offered by Haunted Studios, thankfully has its eyes closed because the last thing anyone needs is Stephen King's eyes following them around the room.