07/14/2014 09:18 am ET Updated Sep 13, 2014

24 Thoughts Every Girl Has While on Tinder

Tim Robberts via Getty Images
  1. No. I will not Instagram or Snapchat you. I don't even know you. Why. Why would I do that?
  2. OK... which one of the five guys in every photo is actually you? Too much effort to analyze every face. Bye.
  3. What in the world possessed you to fill in your bio with "long dong" or something else equally as blunt? Does that work for you? Ever?
  4. Do you know that "ur" isn't acceptable for "you're" and "your" in real life? And you're just lazy online? Please say yes.
  5. OK you have one photo and no bio at all... does anyone swipe right? Cause, uh, I won't.
  6. Oh good, you "live life to the fullest." Now I know everything I need to know in order to swipe right...
  7. OK, you say are not a catfish. Thank God. Now I am convinced. Can I come over?
  8. You're cute. Please be smart, please be smart, please be smart.
  9. Awww you have a dog. And you like kids. Awwwwww.
  10. Soooooo do you regularly take shirtless selfies at the gym? Isn't that awkward?
  11. So you party and post it on Tinder. What else are you doing with your life?
  12. OMG you could be my future hubby. Please be a match, please be a match, please be a match... Not a match. DAMMIT TINDER.
  13. Oh. You're kissing a girl. On the lips. In your Tinder photo. And you are here because...?
  14. Uhhh buddy, I can't see your face in any photo. What are you hiding?
  15. Oh. You take more selfies than I do and are more groomed than I am. Interesting.
  16. Awww another puppy... can I just have the puppy and not the boy?
  17. Your 'friends made this for you' and it's 'something to do when you're bored.'? Yeah OK.
  18. Uhhh you are not 21, baby face. Good try.
  19. Oh good, I am glad you clarified that you are single, considering you are on a DATING APP.
  21. As impressive as that photo of you wearing only a pizza box was... oh, and the bonnet and the diaper while doing a keg stand... I'm gonna have to pass.
  23. No I am not going to dissect every emoticon in your bio to make sense of who you are. USE YOUR WORDS.
  24. No. No. No. No. No. Why am I on here? Stupid Tinder. *closes app, opens 10 minutes later*