03/12/2008 11:42 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Spitzer's Trysts: Stop Over-Thinking This

I'm going to throw the remote through the TV if one more news twink says
something on the order of "When we come back, we'll look into what drives a
successful man like Eliot Spitzer to risk it all..."

Oh yes, let's convene a panel of experts for that. Let me help you: because
he wants to get his nut off! Stop with all the analysis! It never ends, I
hear all these people talking about how powerful people think they can get
away with anything, so it's a thrill, or that it's for this psychological
reason or this one -- please, he wanted to CUM WITH SOMEONE! Stop overthinking this: people need sex, and married people generally aren't getting
it. Studies show (OK, I'm making that up, but it's true nonetheless) that
people married 20 years only have sex on Valentine's Day, their anniversary,
and their birthdays. You can hate me as the messenger, but it's true -- how
can anyone be expected to still want to score with someone you've been
having sex with for a score? Mr. Spitzer simply wanted what humans desire,
to feel that sensational sensation when you're hot for someone, to touch and
hug and bump and grind -- this is really not that complicated! If you're
ascribing more to it than that, it's probably really more about your own fear
that your spouse wants to do the same thing.

Or is doing it. Married people are often starved for sex, touch, affection,
not to mention the kinky stuff that wifey definitely won't do. So if you
find yourself at such a place in life -- and this is most certainly wives as
well -- where you're dieing like this, you can do one of three things: get
divorced, cheat, or continue to live a life with little or no passion, sex,
etc. It's easy to point fingers, but how about some recognition that
society's rules are so at odds with human nature that there are actually no
good options for an Eliot Spitzer, and the ZILLIONS OF PEOPLE JUST LIKE HIM,
many of who are tut-tut-ing today. I guess a guy is a hero who sticks it out
and leads a life of quiet desperation. I'm not so sure it's heroic to make