The Guns of Homeroom

05/25/2007 02:38 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Everyone complains about school shootings, but only the South Carolina state house is doing anything about it. Their plan (approved by a subcommittee last Wednesday)? Allow concealed weapons on public school campuses, starting in elementary school.

Okay, I know that sounds a little... what's the word I'm looking for?... INSANE, but Republican state Sep. Jeff Duncan explains:

"We're not talking about kids. We're talking about responsible adults."

Phew. Well, then go ahead. If it's just teachers, parents, janitors and lunch ladies, lock and load. You stupid fuck. I hope you die.

Ernest Ellis, the law enforcement director at the University of South Carolina is against the bill:

"Today, if we respond, we know the person with the weapon is the bad guy."

But what does he know?

In South Carolina you need to be 21 to get a concealed weapon permit. So the undergrads wouldn't be armed. Just the teachers and grad students. So it wouldn't actually stop anyone like the Virginia Tech shooter, until he worked his way up from the sophomores and stopped to re-load, but here I am applying practical logic to an argument made by guys who come in their pants when they hear the words "muzzle velocity."

How is their sexual kink our problem? Should gun nuts be allowed to marry?

The bill won't be ready for South Carolina's governor to sign this year. The governor, Mark Sanford, a Republican, said he hadn't thought about it yet.

"Gun to my head, I don't know what I'll do," he didn't say.

Bill Maher is the host of HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher" which airs every Friday at 11PM

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