12/19/2012 08:20 am ET Updated Feb 17, 2013

What Hef Knows and You Don't (NSFW PHOTOS)

Well, I don't know about you, but Hef and I had quite a year together: what with him first trading in one multi-girlfriend posse for another before welcoming back his infamous runaway bride Crystal Harris who skipped out on their June 2011 nuptials--and now finding himself, most likely, poised to finally marry her in the penultimate hours of 2012--and what with me having had to cross-examine him each time any such whim overtook his heart. The romantic whims of Hugh M. Hefner, I will tell you, are epic and not infrequent.

"The fault is mine, I confess," he said with a lilting sigh in late summer as we sat down at his place (the Playboy Mansion--againnnnn!) for yet another in a series of heart-to-heart debriefing sessions--the candid bounty of which have been newly appended to the updated very-good-life manual, Hef's Little Black Book. Created as a smart trusty guide (with pictures! such pictures!) to bolster all big-dreamers with the hard-won wisdom and magical tales of Mr. Playboy Himself--agelessly 86 and (I swear) defiantly sharp-as-a-shiv--the long out-of-print Little Black Book returns just in time to perhaps also help fathom how he presently stands, quite probably, unthinkable but true, at the brink of more time.

A visualist visionary, he tells us: "I've always thought about my life like a movie. You need the drama. If you think of your life that way, you get through the tough times." Thus, further flickering illustrative life advice follows herewith...

Hugh Hefner's Dating Tips