12/05/2012 02:04 am ET Updated Feb 03, 2013

The Trouble with Some Maids of Honor

Today, I find myself in a bit of a quandary... On Bitchless Bride, I try desperately to educate you, bridey, on how to be a better, more understanding and lovely bride so that you get the most out of your wedding planning experience. But, as your educator it is also important for me to acknowledge that part of your schooling is to recognize that you are entering a completely unknown, and somewhat overwhelming, new world... the wedding industry. So, I do my best to try educating you with anecdotes and real weddings so that you can join the craziness with an edge. And although my process may be tough and a bit unorthodox, I know that I am getting through to you based on your awesome feedback, so now it's time for me to give a little somethin' back to you bridey.

It seems like there is another epidemic going around, and it's not Bridaldemia. This time it has nothing to do with you acting out or being crazy. It's your maid of honor. Huh? I know, right? I mean, isn't she is the person you chose to have your back? To protect you from the drama that inevitably presents itself during your wedding planning? You'd think, but lately I've heard some absolutely ridiculous stories from brides who are completely stressed because of their maids of honor, and since I am fiercely protective of my pupils, I feel as though I must step in to shield you, bridey, from a total meltdown. So here are a few maid of honor (MOH) management tools:

1. If your MOH has recently been married, then you need to recognize that now she thinks she is a wedding expert. I know that she is the nicest, most easy going person in the whole wide world (or else why would you have chosen her to be your MOH or best friend?), but if she was recently married, then there is a side to her that feels as though she knows everything about wedding planning, and you are going to feel the side effects. Because while she may know everything about planning her wedding, your needs are different. So, it's important for you to put a stop to her craziness before it begins. Set the parameters in the beginning. Discuss your expectations with her shortly after you ask her to be your MOH. Especially if your styles, tastes and budgets differ.

2. If you are worried that your MOH isn't cut out for such a big job, and may have some difficulty completing her MOH duties, then provide her with specific tasks in the beginning! I mean, we all have those friends whom we love, and sometimes they are the chosen ones, but if I just described your MOH, and she isn't organized, then you need to take control now, instead of losing it later! Because if you don't define her duties in the beginning, knowing that she is the way she is, then that's your fault. She's not going to suddenly become super methodical and prepared because you're getting married. So don't fight it... accept it, and provide her with the specifics that you need for her to accomplish from the start.

3. You gotta love the Type A maids of honor. Sometimes, they are completely awesome! Seriously, it's like they are meant for the job. They act as the liaison between you and your overbearing, opinionated mother or mother-in-law to be, they made sure that all of your bridesmaids were on schedule with their fittings, etc., and they even arranged for some snacks and champagne to be available in the bridal suite as all of you are preparing to walk down the aisle. All of that is fantastic!

But, in the same breath, some of them take it a bit too far. I've seen them boss around your vendors unnecessarily. For instance, suggesting the appropriate photographs to the photographer, ordering around the makeup artist, stepping in for the wedding planner, etc. Yeah, all of that? Not cool. So, if you know that your maid of honor tends to be somewhat controlling (and frankly, that's part of the reason why you chose her in the first place!), be sure to tell her that she needs to relax on the day of the wedding. Unless she is privy to something completely awful that has the potential to ruin your wedding, then her job to be your friend, keep you company while you're getting your makeup done, and drink some champagne with you. She can still be the liaison between you and your mother, mother-in-law and vendors, but she shouldn't go out of her way to be the commander-in-chief.

So, bridey, there you have it. If any of these scenarios sound familiar, then you must take control from the start. These women are good people whom you love, so don't let your wedding ruin your friendship or put a wedge between the two of you and your future together. Got it?

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