Open Letter to Candy Spelling
Do you really, seriously want to nail the coffin shut on your relationship with your daughter Tori? Do you ever want to see, let alone hold your granddaughter, Stella, 1, or your grandson, Liam, 2, ever again?
If so, what are you doing woman? Why would you ever think that writing a contentious memo to your daughter, Tori Spelling, and sending it to TMZ to post publicly, would be a good idea?
Shouting out to the world that your daughter was supposedly trying to trick you into attending your granddaughter's first birthday party, only so she could capture you on film for her reality show, is a surefire way to guarantee that you won't be at your granddaughter's second or third birthday party, bat mitzvah or wedding either. Is that what you want?
You've never met little Stella. Now you truly will have to walk over broken glass if you want to.
And you know what Candy, you should.
Who cares at this point, if you can't see your grandkids without reality cameras filming away? If I were you, after all the bad feelings that have gone down between you and Tori, I would have accepted that birthday invite with grace and gratitude. You should have showed up with a giant smile and a bag full of Grandma Candy gifts.
Candy, no matter how old Tori is now you are the mother and that makes you the "grownup" in the relationship. And as the grownup, it's up to you to put aside hurt feelings, disappointments and everything else involved in this feud BEHIND YOU! It's up to you to extend the olive branch and keep on extending it.
Let me remind you: motherly love is supposed to be unconditional love. That means you love your child even if you don't agree with their decisions (i.e. to star in the reality show Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, write a tell-all book about their childhood, divorce their first husband, and say unkind things about you).
All those things may be disappointing to you, but Tori is your only daughter. Stella and Liam are your grandchildren. Whether it seems like it at this point, I guarantee that Tori needs you and that she truly wants to be loved by her mother.
Daughters need their moms, moms need their daughters. You once told me that you really wanted a good relationship with Tori.
What in hell were you thinking when you described 36-year-old Tori as "middle-aged?" Factually, 36 isn't middle age. That was just a cheap, mean shot.
I'm not a shrink but that attempt to insult Tori just came across as an even more desperate attempt to get Tori's attention than the entire TMZ posting.
Candy — and this sounds a little morbid — what if something happened to you or Tori tomorrow? Would you want your cruel public memo to Tori to be the last words that she ever heard from her mother? Would you want that to be your legacy to Tori and her children? Or would you want Tori to be gone, and never have a chance to apologize and hug her again?
Now if this feud ultimately is about the hundreds of millions of dollars that you got from your husband, Aaron, and that Tori didn't get, why don't you do the right thing?
And here's what it is: give both your son, Randy, and Tori a decent chunk of that change. You don't need it — couldn't use it up in your lifetime. Share the largesse with the ones you should love.
Sure money doesn't equal love but whatever weird message Aaron sent by leaving almost everything to you and almost nothing to your kids has poisoned what clearly was already a difficult relationship with Tori.
And don't believe the money will spoil her. She's already proven she's hardworking, ambitious and inventive — she's built herself quite a little empire of her own. You should be kvelling with pride over her accomplishments and her character.
She's no layabout drinker or druggie. She's a diligent worker and loving mother.
Candy, I hope you take my advice in the spirit it is given — with sincerity from a daughter who lost her mother a year ago. Yes we had our ups and down too and could definitely drive each other to distraction at times, but we never let disagreements stand in the way of love.
I miss my mom every day now. I bet Tori misses having a mom too. As dumb as you've been Candy, with your public diss memo and more, you can still recover your relationship. It starts with an apology — publicly, if necessary. Just do it: Being Granny Candy will be worth it! And Tori, if your mom does the right thing — you must do it too! You won't be sorry!
For more on Candy and Tori, follow Bonnie Fuller at twitter.com/BonnieFuller.