01/03/2008 04:32 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

My Hannah Montana

What would you do to secure tickets to see Hannah Montana in concert? Would you murder a kitten? Would you poison a group of feisty nuns? Or would you write an essay posing as your 6-year-old daughter outlining how your daddy died in Iraq, describing how it makes you both sad and worthy of seeing the Disney star live and in person?

If you chose the last option, you're Mother of the Year: Priscilla Ceballos!

But there's just one catch, gentle readers...Miss Caballos' daughter, Alexis, didn't have a daddy who died in Iraq. She doesn't even have a daddy in the same town where she lives. Go figure. Realizing that a dead solider garners more support that a Playtex Cross-Your-Heart Bra, Prissy concocted a plan that would virtually guarantee her daughter would beat out all those other little bitches for the golden tickets. But the jig was up when the contest organizers confronted her about it and she admitted falsifying the story. The fact that a 6-year-old girl cannot write an essay because she is a 6-year-old girl might have been the thing to tip them off, but Prissy was too busy practicing her penmanship to probably notice that. You know what they say about the best laid plans...

It was only in the last few weeks that I was told Hannah Montana is not actually a real person but rather a character played by Miley Cyrus, who is exactly who you think she is. Would you ever have believed that the spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus would boot, scoot and boogie her way into the modern day lexicon? Not me. Tell War, Famine, Conquest and Death it's almost showtime!

However, it was at that moment that I realized it was me that needed those tickets, so here, in its entirety, is my entry into the contest, printed for the first time outside my Bratz journal. It's a little erratic but hey, that's me!