11/27/2013 03:24 pm ET Updated Apr 10, 2014

8 Life Lessons From Romantic Comedies

If you want to impress a chick, you need to share some interests. It's all well and good to find a broad who's into sports, Star Wars and video games, but you'll still need to meet her halfway. Whether she admits it or not, your dame wants happy and sappy romance. Here are 8 great life lessons to learn from romantic comedies...

The Princess Bride

A rich woman (Robin Wright) wants to marry a poor man (Cary Elwes). In order to do so, the woman makes the man go on a crazy adventure to get money. The man goes off to fight for his woman and is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts while she bangs another guy.

She's then kidnapped by some thugs (including Andre the Giant and Many Patinkin) before her marriage to the new guy, and it's the original guy who rescues her, not her new man.

Life Lesson - Your broad will cheat on you if you leave her alone too long...

Love Actually

An aging rock star (Bill Nighy) remakes "Love Is All Around Us" into a Christmas song and then goes on a media blitz to tell people how awful of a song it is. He tells the public if his song beats some young pop group, he'll get naked on TV.

The public loves his antics and supports him with their wallets. Also some other stories happen, including the filming of a soft-core porn, Billy Bob Thornton playing the President of the United States, and a British guy going to Wisconsin to discover a bar full of hot models (Elisha Cuthbert, January Jones, etc).

Life Lesson - Never underestimate someone with nothing to lose...

When in Rome

This broad (Kristen Bell) steals some coins from a famous love fountain in Italy. In doing so, she invokes a curse that makes a bunch of comedians (Will Arnett, Danny DeVito, etc) fall in love with her. The men follow her back to America, where they stalk her and do everything they can to get her attention.

One of the men (Josh Duhamel) is the "dreamboat" she actually wants. Unfortunately, she decides she only wants his love if it's true, so she breaks the spell on everyone. Turns out, he was never under a spell and loved her the whole time.

Life Lesson - It's only sexual harassment if she's not attracted to you...


A man (Will Smith) gets his heart broken in college and learns to spit game to women. Once he figures it out, he teaches his smooth moves to men everywhere. When a man he refuses to work with screws over the friend of a gossip reporter (Eva Mendes) and blames him, things get sticky.

The reporter dates the love doctor, and she spends their entire relationship searching for secrets and lies. Her constant need to be right nearly ruins every relationship in the film, draining it of all romance.

Life Lesson - Once a female decides you're a liar, she'll burn the world to the ground to prove she's right...


In a perfect world, a controlling mother (Susan Sarandon) decides to do what's best for her prince son (James Marsden), banishing a local gold digger (Amy Adams) to a land far away. The prince does everything in his power to track down his love, moving to a foreign land and braving many dangers in the process. Meanwhile, the gold digger moved on to a new wallet belonging to a lawyer (Patrick Dempsey).

The gold digger sticks with her new man, and the prince is left alone to brave this new world, where he learns to live independently without both his mom and lover.

Life Lesson - No matter how hard you try to impress her, chicks don't like guys with mommy issues...

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

A nice guy (Luke Wilson) saves a dame (Uma Thurman) after she gets mugged. She idolizes him so much that she quickly turns into an overly-attached girlfriend. After finding out she's a superhero, the guy dumps the super-psycho for a coworker (Anna Faris), which sets his ex on a rampage.

Eventually a catfight ensues, and the guy finally convinces his ex to move on and accept his new relationship. The two women end up becoming partners in (fighting) crime.

Life Lesson - A superwoman is super-irrational and emotional...

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

A nerdy high school student (Michael Cera) gets dumped by his way-out-of-his-league girlfriend (Alexis Dziena) and ends up finally noticing the other way-out-of-his-league girl (Kat Dennings) that always had a crush on him. They fall in love while searching for their favorite band's secret concert with friends and members of the boy's own all-gay-but-him band.

Eventually they reach the fabled concert on a rooftop, but they walk away to enjoy each other's company instead.

Life Lesson - If you weren't born looking like Matt Donovan, either cover your body in tattoos or join a has the same effect...

Cactus Flower

A beautiful young woman (Goldie Hawn) tries to commit suicide after finding out her much older dentist boyfriend (Walter Mathau) has a wife and kids. She's rescued by her neighbor (Rick Lenz), who involves himself in her drama because she's pretty.

It turns out the dentist is lying to her about being married, but now he actually wants to get married to the young woman. Everything turns into a huge ball of lies that get worse and worse as it progresses.

Life Lesson - Every girl has a guy friend waiting in the wings to bang her the instant her man messes up.

Brian Penny is a former business analyst at Bank of America turned whistleblower, Anonymous supporter, consultant, and freelance writer.