09/18/2014 11:38 am ET Updated Nov 18, 2014

10 Ways To Guarantee You Actually Have Sex on Your Wedding Night

by Jillian Kramer For BRIDES

How's this for scary? Only about half of newlyweds' first nights as husband and wife end with a bang (no pun intended), according to experts. From indulging in one too many drinks to expending all your energy on the dance floor, many couples retire to their room post-reception simply to sleep. "There is so much excitement that it can be over-stimulating to the nervous system," explains Dr. Brandy Engler, psychologist and author. "Sexual arousal thrives in a more relaxed state."

But never fear. We've asked those same ladies to dish on how to make sure you'll get it on during your wedding night. Here are their tips:

1. Limit the amount of alcohol you drink on your wedding day.
Agree to a maximum number you'll both enjoy during the reception, suggests sex coach Nikki Ransom-Alfred. "This will prevent you from becoming too intoxicated for sex," she says.

2. Don't head straight for the bedroom.
Instead, take a half-hour or so to process the day together. "Go find a place to be alone, take a walk, sit outside under a tree, whatever, and just take some time together to breathe and debrief, so your minds and bodies have a space to calm down," Engler suggests.

3. If one of you is frisky and the other is not, give your spouse some space.
"Think relaxation -- a warm bath, a massage, soft music," says Engler. "This may be a better strategy than expecting passion." He may still come around!

4. And if you're not in the mood, try slipping into the bathroom.
"A woman can also have a ritual for herself," suggests Engler. "Bathe, use perfume, listen to music, and take the time to put something on and just get her mind prepared for sex."

5. Delegate end-of-the-evening tasks to someone else.
"Couples should make arrangements for someone to tend to the details of the wedding -- someone to transfer their gifts from the reception to their home, someone to care for their children, etc., so as much stress as possible is taken away from them and they can concentrate on each other," Ransom-Alfred says.

6. Don't host your bachelorette or bachelor party the night before the wedding day.
"The bride and groom should be in bed and getting a full eight to 10 hours worth of sleep to be well-rested for the big day -- and night!" says Ransom-Alfred.

7. Don't let minor irritations and stress turn into a fight.
"Allow it to roll off your back and enjoy your day," Ransom-Alfred says. "Nothing is worth being angry at your spouse on the day of your marriage and then having a crappy wedding night."

8. Don't become distracted from your spouse on your wedding day.
"Stay focused on each other," Dunn says. "Don't worry about how all the guests are doing or how the event is going -- that's what wedding planners are for. Stay focused on why you love him or are attracted to him -- that will increase desire and decrease anxiety."

9. Talk dirty before the big night.
"Talk about what types of sexual activities you want to participate in," Ransom-Alfred says. "Perhaps you two want to role play or try something new." Talking about what you'll do will amp up your excitement for the actual deed.

10. Come prepared.
"Bring naughty lingerie and most importantly, an open mind, to make sure you two are being adventurous and fun on your wedding night," Ransom-Alfred suggests.

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