THE BLOG
06/13/2014 01:42 pm ET Updated Aug 13, 2014

Relationship Kryptonite: Good for Every Superhero

When you are a superhero of love, you are bound to be leveled by kryptonite from time to time. I was very conscious that I would be dealing with all kinds of the devilish stealth sources of kryptonite as soon as I got into the first relationship after breaking up with the man I refer to as Mr. X in my book. There was only so much healing I could do on my own. There are certain types of grit that can only be delivered by a new love to polish the mighty pearls in our hearts.

Under the bright shining light of love, one is bound to start noticing kryptonite hiding in the shadows: fears, previously unhealed wounds, etc. Recently my kryptonite, a dose of fear and vulnerability, triggered an explosion of rage in a man. Normally, my reaction to rage is to push it away, but somehow at this particular moment, I realized that we were both just lost in a sea of kryptonite. My urge was to draw him closer and say, "Hey, I think we can heal this stuff. Let's do this thing."

Sadly, we weren't meant to heal those kryptonite sources for each other. He used this event as a diving board. They say rejection is God's protection. I clung to that after the final cut-off signal was sent, but rejection is also a powerful source kryptonite, and I felt like I had been kicked me in the gut. Then I remembered a story I recount in my book that gave me instant solace.

Years ago a therapist coaxed me through a broken engagement. He didn't want to dilly dally so he cut to the chase: "Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?" It stung, but helped immensely. Just remembering it for a moment this time gave me the wake-up call I needed for that extra special kryptonite called rejection.

I got to work, and put myself back into superhero of love boot camp. I dove inside, meditated, and got back to the true source of love that we all have right inside us. It is not out there in a shiny man suit. It is right here, right now. It's what makes us all superheroes of love. The people we love simply spark that source.

And boy, did this man spark my heart. He was what I now refer to as the Triple Crown: He made me laugh really hard every day, he touched my heart, and I adored his brain and how it worked. I had not had that Triple Crown before. But this California Chrome babe is ready to have it again. Now that I know what it's like I won't settle for less, and I'm committed to managing my vulnerability to have it in a healthy form.

A few nights ago I was walking around San Francisco in the crisp lovely night having adventures with myself listening to my music. Sam Smith, whom I discovered while with this guy, started serenading me with Stay With Me. Thoughts went to this man and then abruptly somehow my iPhone saved me from the moment! Apparently the phone jostling in my purse triggered iTunes to open and click on a track they were selling: X Ambassadors' song Unsteady started playing. I grabbed my phone just as the song took hold of me with "Hold on to me 'cause I'm a little unsteady." How often do we admit our vulnerability when in relationships? We most often avoid it or wait until the unsteadiness has us knocked off kilter, as it did for me.

Being vulnerable in relationships is hard for all of us, but even superheroes are stronger for it. Ironically, vulnerability to the kryptonite that comes up in our love relationships is a good thing. If we can walk into it, courageous in the face of the land mines, we can unveil our superpowers, such as the faith that inside us is the greatest love of all, ready to be sparked by another and used for good, to heal, be healed and create a love bigger than both of us.

It is not lost on me that my new favorite band is called "X Ambassadors." This recent love was an ambassador for all my Mr. X's to show me: Yeah, you've come a long way baby. This Superhero of Love has some newfound power over kryptonite, and a whole lot less fear of that next dose. Bring it on, Triple Crown!

Check out X Ambassador's amazing song Unseady:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4mUXqE29co

And for inspiration to allow your Superhero of Love inside to be your shining star, check out Shining: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEE5mb46qV4&list=RDCFmeABfvpt0&index=5