Self-sabotage is a dream killer. It keeps you small. It keeps you safe. It keeps you broke.
In The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks describes self-sabotage as an upper limit problem, or a self-imposed glass ceiling of how happy or successful you allow yourself to be.
What happens when you bump up against an upper limit?
You self-sabotage. You procrastinate on completing that important project at work. You pick a fight with your partner instead of celebrating a major win. You come down with flu-like symptoms right after achieving a big goal.
The good news is you can overcome this destructive loop of self-sabotage and move way beyond your upper limits. You can quickly shift out of your zone of competency and into your zone of genius once you finally stop stopping yourself.
Follow these five steps and break free from self-sabotage for good!
1. Pinpoint your pattern
As with most nasty habits, self-sabotage often follows a predictable pattern. Awareness of how it shows up in your life will help you recognize it when it does show up so you can nip it in the bud quickly.
Think back to previous times you've self-sabotaged in your life and business.
How do you self-sabotage?
At one point do you typically stop yourself from reaching the next level of success, happiness, or wealth?
What are your triggers?
2. Get intimate with your fear
Self-sabotage is really just misdirected self-love. It's fear of the unknown. Your ego thinks it's protecting you from danger, but really it's just keeping you from being truly happy and fulfilled. Fear is an emotion most of us want to hide under the rug, and it does nothing to help you move past it.
Digging deep ask yourself the following questions and journal everything that comes up for you.
What am I afraid of?
Why is that scary?
Keep asking why until you get to the root of what's holding you back.
Then ask: If that happened, could I handle it? And finally ask yourself: Does my fear outweigh my desires?
For most of us when we really face our fear for what it is, it's not so scary. We find that we could handle that worst-case scenario. In some cases we've already lived our worst-case scenario and lived to tell the tale.
When you realize this the fear doesn't go away completely, but it no longer has the power over you it once did.
3. Recommit to your goals every day
Set big hairy audacious goals for the year and break them down so that you have 90-day goals, monthly goals, and weekly goals. Revisit your goals every day. You can even write them down in your journal as a way to kick-start your motivation in the morning.
Flood your consciousness with your goals and it will be a lot harder to self-sabotage. You'll recognize that what you desire is not only possible, but probable. You'll feel a subconscious shift in the way you pursue your goals by doing this one thing.
When you have a bad day let it go. You can always hit that reset button the next day.
4. Do less better
My business coach always tells me that simple creates wealth and she's absolutely right. Stop spending hours upon hours doing things that don't really matter. Ditch the overwhelm and focus only on the tasks that will get you closer to achieving your goals.
Create a top 3 or top 5 list every day rather than making a crazy long to-do list you'll never complete anyway. Estimate how much time each task will take you to complete and set a timer.
Say no to anything that isn't a priority or delegate it to someone else. There is no shame in asking for help.
5. Get an accountability partner
It doesn't have to be lonely at the top. It's totally normal that as you become happier and more successful that some of your relationships will change. As you grow, you'll need to surround yourself with fellow growers.
The best way to do this is to start a mastermind with like-minded friends. Meet at least once/month to share your goals, successes, and challenges and keep each other accountable. When self-sabotage rears its ugly head you'll have a safe space to process and move through it.
It's time to stop holding yourself back and start living the life of your dreams. Break free from self-sabotage and you'll be operating in your zone of genius in no time. Hello freedom-based living!
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