11/06/2012 12:27 am ET Updated Jan 05, 2013

VOTE: Freedom or Free Dumb?

Ask any American, conservative or liberal, "What's the greatest thing about this great land of ours?" I'll bet most answer, "Freedom!"

That's a beautiful sentiment, but there's a word Americans show way more passion for than "freedom." And that word is "FREE!"

Oh boy, do we love free crap. Admit it, deep down when you think about it, "free" trumps "freedom" anytime.

A perfect example: my friend didn't vote in the last election because there was a 20-minute line. The same guy happily waited 90 minutes outside a 7-Eleven on Free Slurpees Day. He waited four hours at Chipotle for a Grand Opening Free Burrito. He salsa-danced that chicken burrito right out of the store (although Cuban Salsa Dancing has nothing to do with Corporate-American-Mexican wraps).

Our Founding Fathers risked treason and hanging-by-the-neck to give us democracy, not marketing ploys. Then again, they'd never had frozen High-Fructose Corn Syrup drink or mostly organic burrito, so what did they know?

Think back to elementary school, when you were belting out our National Anthem at full volume and most likely out of tune, when you sang those words "the land of the free," you knew you were screaming about people, not products.

So on Tuesday, VOTE!

When you vote, conservative or liberal, you exercise freedom. When you don't, you are free-dumb.