06/06/2016 09:52 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Ex Factor...


After their split, the Eagles said they would get together again when Hell Freezes Over. When it froze, they found an easy title for their live album. Guns N' Roses was pretty much gone. Yesterday, I read about the Not in this Lifetime Tour.

Bands are in precarious relationships. Ego, money, spotlight, fame, outside influences and we are sad to see them split. People mourned the Beatles and that Zayne guy leaving One Direction... perhaps I should remove Zayne from the same sentence as the Beatles. My apologies in advance. I do hope you keep reading.

I have found relationships end for similar reasons. The question I am frequently asked is as follows: "Do I get back together with him?" "Was she really right for me?" "Did we just have to see other people?"

I know of many couples that took longer than just a break, but sometimes years to reconnect, start anew, and connect.

I do not know that there is a right answer here. I am often confronted by clients who cannot let go. Sometimes it manifests itself in anger. Sometimes it is longing and endless comparisons to the former Ms. Right. I always wonder if Ms. Right pines for my client with the same vigor or if Ms. Right simply enjoys the memory.

So I suppose I am stumped on what to tell clients about reconnecting with exes who were or should be memories.

Formerly, I might have advised a client to learn from the past relationship. There were reasons for the split. There is value to moving on, perhaps allowing yourself the dating freedom to find something better or better for you.

As much as it was never going to happen in this lifetime, Axl's voice might have needed Slash's guitar. Unlike band members, individuals might be able to operate in a space of their own. What I do know is that the comparisons to the old relationship will never cease -- so the question becomes, is it worth considering the one that did not work out? And for how long?

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.