THE BLOG
03/14/2016 02:34 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Your Treasure

2016-03-14-1457961511-5330822-TreasureImge.jpg

There is no accounting for taste. Bob Dylan is a lyrical poet. Bob Dylan is amplified mumbling. Jackson Pollack mastered the art of creating fractal dimensions on canvas. Jackson Pollack splattered paint and called it art. Snowden is a patriot. Snowden is a traitor. Two different people might look at one person and/or scenario and view them from two totally different perspectives.

In the complex world of dating, inevitably, you will meet someone who may have dated one of your friends. I too often hear clients tell me that my friend used to have a thing with her and he said, "she is awful-not for me." Of course when pressed, the client will usually tell me he has never met "her" or she "him". So where does that leave you?

Are you listening to the critics?

Are you holding yourself back because of one person's experience -- and how much of your friend's experience has to do with your friend's taste and/or perception of what is desirable in a potential date/relationship/or even marriage?

You might be friends with the man who found her awful because you are not like your friend. You trust his judgment and he's loyal, but you see the world differently and the people who you have dated, the ones you're attracted to, might be completely different from women he dates.

Then there's the friendship itself. You might be friends because you are not competing for the same prize. You might be friends because you enjoy his completely different perspective. You might be friends because your personalities are different. Most importantly, you are your own person, with an ability to make an independent judgment.

Also, be sure your friend's assessment does not carry a bias that is self-interested, as in this person rejected your friend. That's never pleasant and perhaps a discussion for another writing as to whether you should date the man or woman who broke your friend's heart.

Dating is fairly discretionary. There are no absolutes. People come in different shapes and sizes on the physical, and their personalities stretch beyond the limits of your own imagination. So be careful with the weight placed on another's opinion. After all, your independent judgment has allowed you the strength to be single to begin with.

So what do you do when your friend tells you to not go down the road he has already traveled? I certainly encourage you to listen to that friend. However, maybe make your own assessment.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.