I was recently talking with a client who I have been working with for over a year. She was very frustrated with herself for "knowing" all of this spiritual stuff but still succumbing to her painful patterns from time to time. This reminded me so much of myself only a few years ago. I had read every spiritual book on the planet, listened to many guru's preach and found myself within the same unwanted patterns time and time again.
You probably know what I am talking about if you struggle with certain reoccurring themes in your life. When you know better but aren't doing better. You unconsciously think that all of this divine wisdom is seeping into your pours and that life will be better because you have read some words of wisdom. I can remember sharing all of this wonderful inspirational stuff on social media but then looking at the imperfect life I was living. This is an unfortunate but true reality until we wake up to the fact that our minds are not in control of the universe. Thats right, your mind does not have all the answers, but your heart does.
When our mind and our heart are working independently of each other there can be a lot of confusion. We know one thing but do another or we want one thing but our beliefs are not aligned with what our heart ultimately desires. Another way of explaining this is to look at the ego and the authentic self. Our ego is created by conditioning, mental interpretations and survival instincts. When we don't believe that we are safe being exactly who we are, we have an inflated ego and it can take control. The needs of our ego can dominate and get confused with the messages of our heart. Our heart may want to be an artist but our ego fears tell us to be a banker so that we can have money, survive and be respected. The ego is not a bad thing, it is a huge asset to us when it is directed by the wiser of the two, the heart.
My life took a drastic turn when I finally let go and surrendered to my heart. This is not an easy journey, it is a constant choice to stay open in the face of fear. When we open our heart instead of closing it in order to protect ourselves, we see that the closing of our heart is actually the experience of hell that we all try to avoid. In this effort to avoid pain we are actually creating it by closing ourselves off from our true authentic power, love. I let go of my mental games of needing to have all the answers, needing to know it all and needing to figure it all out. I let go and surrendered to the fact that there was a divine plan for my life and even if I didn't have it all figured out, it was going to happen. I did this because I was living to be loved instead of living as love. I was on an endless search for something I could only give to myself and I was really exhausted. I remember waking up one morning, looking in the mirror and really seeing what was in front of me for the first time. I saw ME because I was finally able to be real about it, accept it and have the courage to LOVE it. When we choose to love ourselves no matter what, we awaken to something bigger than we know. We are committing to our true self and we are making a pledge to listen in a way we may never have before.
Little by little I became comfortable with this unknown space. I definitely struggled to remain open but each day I would see how my life still moved in the direction of my dreams even when I didn't worry. In fact when I continued to practice this new art of letting go, I began to step more fully into my own flow. I noticed there was a current that seemed to be carrying me and all I really had to do was allow it. I had to set my intention and then relax. It became this beautiful dance with another energy I didn't have a name for yet. As I observed what seemed like a built in guide, I started talking to it. Yep, I started meditating each day, praying and literally talking out loud to whatever it was that was protecting me and making sure I was all good each day. I came to know this force as the universe.
I was surrendering to something bigger than me, wiser then me but connected to me. As I watched the flow and began to trust it I naturally wanted to surrender more and allow myself to explore. The magic in surrender is that my life became and is still becoming this perfect reflection of my hearts fulfillment. This interesting yet functional relationship of drive and surrender. I don't long for the ego needs, instead I take action when I feel a tug or a calling. I walk confidently through life as more of an observer of my emotions and experiences and it has become this beautiful work of art. Life is so precious when we align with the magic in surrender.