11/13/2013 06:02 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Ask MISTER CARL: 'We Ended Up Being More XXX Than BFF -- Is Our Friendship Ruined?'

Welcome to "Ask MISTER CARL." I'm Carl Sandler, the founder of the gay mobile app MISTER. You can also find me on SiriusXM Radio OutQ's The Morning Jolt discussing gay dating and relationships. In this series I invite readers to share challenges that they encounter in their dating and love lives. Remember, there are many ways to look at every issue. If you disagree with something I write, be positive and share your own strategies or suggestions in the comments.


My best friend and I recently went to Miami for a weekend getaway and ended up being more XXX than BFF. The first night there, we got pretty drunk at the club and ended up hooking up when we got back to our hotel room. I chalked it up to the booze, but it happened again later that afternoon... and later that night... and, well, you get the idea. Over the next two days, we made out constantly and had mind-blowing sex. But ever since we got back from the trip, he's been acting like nothing ever happened, and we're back to being totally platonic. I started to have romantic feelings for him, but now I'm confused. Is our friendship ruined?

--Broken Buds

Let's face it: Beyond "what are you into?" or "where you at?" a lot of gay men don't get to know much about each other before hooking up, so hearing about two good friends sharing a weekend roll in the hay is refreshing. Having both sex and real intimacy is something many people strive for.

One of the greatest aspects of gay life is the ability to weave rich fabrics of relationships over many years with people we've slept with, a phenomenon Larry Kramer described as establishing "an army of lovers." With that said, at ease! It's time for you two to do what BFFs do best: share real talk. Tell him that you're feeling confused about what happened, and that it's made you wonder whether maybe he could be more than just a friend. You might even risk sharing with him how you really feel and inviting him to share how he feels.

Maybe he'll say that he feels the same way, maybe he won't. (After all, life doesn't always imitate When Harry Met Sally.) Just do your best to roll with whatever he says. If you need some time to get back into "just friends" mode, take it. Then soldier on. Good friendships are hard to come by and hard to maintain, but they have the potential to give us rewards for years to come.

Next time: "Do I have to tell my parents that my boyfriend is poz?"

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