12/29/2014 01:25 pm ET Updated Feb 28, 2015

10 Practices of a Great Coach and Why I Broke Up With Mine

My heart was broken... but now it's healed.

No one could heal me but myself.

You see, about 12 months ago I was killing it in my coaching business. I reached new levels of success and was ready to put the pedal to the metal and bust through to the top.

I watched so many leading coaches and thought leaders who I admired make it to the top of the industry by combining their knowledge and personality and creating uncontested market space based around their unique genius.

This was what I was doing too for sure, but I was ready to accelerate and I knew that I wanted a coach to expedite the process.

While we all have the power within us to accomplish our dreams, there are times working with a coach is effective in helping us clarify our strategy, stay accountable and get us to our goals faster -- and this is just what I wanted!

So, I was on the hunt for my perfect coach and signed up for every mailing list out there, waiting to find the connection.

After months of looking, one coach stood out for her authentic voice and unique style. These were important qualities I admired and saw in myself.

I signed up for her mentoring program and initially had a lot of success with what we created together. I implemented her strategies into my business and they were a good fit for me and my community. My offering resonated with my clients and I felt aligned with my purpose.

Then we upped the ante.

My coach suggested I now make FIVE times my original investment and become a VIP client to grow what I already created into an even more successful and influential coaching program.

She assured me that with this investment I would make it back THREE times over in my next product launch and that it would just go up from there.

She also acted as if she understood my vision and dreams and wanted to help me achieve them in a personalized and aligned way.

Sounds good, right?

Well, I was sold -- hook, line and sinker.

I made the biggest investment of my life and put it in the hands of someone I thought really saw me and understood my vision.

Little did I know that my judgment was SO off!

I was the perfect client, worked my tail off for three months, dotting every "i" and crossing every "t" making sure to follow the specific formula that was created to ensure my success!

I met with my coach four times a week, sacrificing valuable time each day with my kids, because I believed in my goal and vision and knew that the sacrifice was only for a limited time.

But I started to question whether what I was creating felt right and aligned.

I started to get a little whisper inside that my goals and my coach's goals were in conflict.

I questioned my coach and she very convincingly shut down my concerns.

I told myself, "You paid all this money, you invested all this time, you committed to traveling around the world to work with her, just suck it up, do the work and have faith that it will all work out somehow!"

But what happened at the end of those three months I never expected...

I failed!

I put my offering out into the world and did not have the results that were "guaranteed" to me by my high-powered coach.

Literally crickets...


What went wrong?

I did everything she told me to do and I did it as good as the best of them -- so why didn't it work?

The answer was a very important one!

It didn't work because I was following her model of success that worked for her.

It wasn't a personalized model based on how freaking Super Fly and dynamic I am.

It wasn't based on ME being the shining factor of my program.

It was based on me being a "mini-me" and you know there is nothing "mini" about me!

Can I get an "amen?"

I had allowed myself to be packaged into a version of "me" that I didn't recognize.

I was out of alignment!

Every time I reminded my coach that I was a community builder and a soulful entrepreneur, she told me that creating a program around those core values didn't make money.

When I told her, my program is about combining MONEY + MEANING for those who are conscious, heart-centered, service minded and spiritual -- those who want to be wealthy, but not be a "sell-out." She discouraged the value in this, reminding me to focus on "making people money."

Well, as much as I love to make money and teach my clients to make money, that is not all I stand for.

I stand for:

- Sustainable business built around self-care, soulful and spiritual daily practices
- Intentional and conscious living
- Business based on relationships, radical self-expression and authentic voice

I realized that I hated what I created with her.

And so I had only one choice but to pull my program off the market.

It was not ME and I couldn't live with being out of integrity!

Isn't it amazing how quickly we can be seduced by the desire to be seen, heard and understood?

We lose sight of the fact that we know ourselves and our visions better than anyone else ever could!

Why do we have such a hard time trusting our intuition and vision?

Why do we need others to have our dreams validated by others in order for us to validate them?

I BROKE UP WITH MY COACH because she didn't really see me.

She didn't really understand me.

And she certainly didn't value me -- because I am!

But I value myself.

And in the end that is where we begin and where we end -- with ourselves.

The best coach we can ever have is ourselves, if we are conscious enough to learn the lessons and hold ourselves accountable while taking the leaps to grow.

Yes sometimes that's tricky to do on our own.

We do need some guidance and support.

A coach who understands you and is aligned with your values can be super helpful.

But you've got to choose wisely!

I am a coach and I love coaches... just because I had to break up with mine doesn't mean I will never fall in love again... but when I do, the list below is what I will look for and you should too when making a decision about who to invest in to help you fulfill your dreams:

10 Practices of a Great Coach

A Great Coach Will:

-- ENCOURAGE you to be your best self
-- IDENTIFY your unique genius
-- HELP you find your authentic voice and use it
-- TEACH you to create a business around your own life experiences
-- CREATE strategy that can be personalized
-- MODEL integrating soulful practices into business
-- SUPPORT you to create a brand and products you are in love with
-- CHALLENGE you to step beyond your comfort zone
-- HOLD space for your big dreams and vision
-- DEMAND you to show up in the world 100 percent yourself

P.S. What is my coach up to now?

Creating programs combining business and spirituality!

I guess the teacher learned from the student.

If this resonates with you and you want to hear more about my journey to reconnect with my true self, look out for my upcoming post titled, Why I Traveled 8,000 Miles To Find Myself.

In the meantime... I am super excited about my latest free offering -- The Super Fly Collection: 19 FREE Guides, Meditations & Action Sheets from the Best Soulful Entrepreneurs in the Biz. If you want to snag it get it here and come hang with me at my place: