10/07/2014 03:03 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

37 Thoughts Every Parent Has in the School Pickup Line

Rob Friedman via Getty Images

Approach the four-way stop. Look left. Look right. Mull over who hit the intersection first, you or the Infiniti to the left. Opt to delay battle. Yield to the Infiniti. Your turn. Drive through the intersection. Stop. Get in line behind the Infiniti. Settle in. Think.

  1. If I had left the house 70 seconds earlier, I'd be five cars further ahead in line.
  2. I should get a key hook.
  3. But then I'd need to make a hole in the wall.
  4. Which I'd have to patch if we put the house on the market.
  5. Maybe we should sell the house...
  6. And move to a tiny town on the central coast...
  7. Where we can raise goats and homeschool and avoid the car line at all costs.
  8. &+%#^@ Navigator!
  9. Who am I kidding?
  10. Even towns with 15 people congregate at the car line at 2:32 and glare at each other.
  11. Good idea, Navigator. Just block the street until someone lets you in.
  12. You probably don't contribute to the teacher's Christmas gift, either.
  13. Be aggressive, Infiniti!
  14. Don't let two people in front of you!
  15. I should have cut you off at the stop sign.
  16. We're enemies now, Infiniti.
  17. We will glare at each other for the rest of our children's education.
  18. Double bass in an elementary school orchestra?
  19. Backpacks in the trunk!
  20. One, two, three, four, five, six kids getting into that car.
  21. I should star a carpool.
  22. Or go back to work.
  23. Full-time.
  24. With dinner meetings and travel.
  25. *Internally review calendar.*
  26. Forget it.
  27. Look! A U-turning Silverado!
  28. Be strong, Infiniti!
  29. Inch ahead!
  30. Yes!
  31. Back of the line, Silverado!
  32. Sorry I was mean, Infiniti.
  33. If we ever get out of this car line, you should come to my house.
  34. I'll bake you apology cookies.
  35. Or buy them.
  36. Let's be realistic.
  37. And together we can plan our carpool until the end of time.

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