05/08/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

When Dental Surgery Beats Watching the Oscars

Not too long ago, I had to have a bone graft done in order to have a tooth implant--something to do with the implant not penetrating my sinus, which sounds like something that you probably don't want to have happen to you!

Which brings me to the 82nd annual Academy Awards show last night.

Now, you may be thinking, "what is the connection between a bone graft for a dental implant and the Oscar telecast?"

For one thing, whatever it was that Charlize Theron was wearing, it reminded me of some brief nightmare I had while I was under in the dentist's chair getting the graft. Maybe scarier!

But I bring up the bone graft because it was a far more enjoyable experience--despite the Charlize Theron-ish nightmare--than sitting through this year's Oscars.

The big news this year, of course, was the expansion of the number of films nominated for best picture from five to ten. If only they could've contracted this lame broadcast down to five--minutes.

The show had no energy. The jokes mostly fell flat. The "stars" often looked and sounded bored. You know, till the very last minute, millions of New Yorkers almost didn't get to see the show because WABC TV had pulled its programming off a local cable system--yep, it was about money. At the last minute, though, a deal was apparently negotiated and, presto, New Yorkers could watch the program! What a punishment! They'd have been better off staring at a blank screen!

Every year, it seems, critics ask why so many obviously creative people can't manage to come up with a creative and entertaining program to honor their own. I'm afraid that question stands.

If the aim of the broadcast was to showcase the much superior commercials, than it succeeded beyond anyone's wildest imagination.

Even the tribute to dead people was boring this year. James Taylor? What was that about?

Next year, maybe I'll try to schedule some sort of major surgery right at the time the award show is on the air? That way I can be entertained by the hospital staff and keep the TV set off. If I'm lucky, I'll slip into a coma until the the credits roll!

Charles Feldman is a journalist, media consultant and co-author of the book, "No Time To Think-The Menace of Media Speed and the 24-hour News Cycle." He has covered police and politics in Los Angeles since 1995. He is a regular contributor of investigative reporting to KNX 1070 Newsradio. He sees a lot of movies.