05/31/2012 06:47 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Mistakes in Choosing Mr./Ms. Right

I don't believe in mistakes. Mistakes make us who we are. I believe that we should all learn from our mistakes and better ourselves.

In my matchmaking business I come across people every day that are stuck in a rut because they do not realize the mistakes that they are making in trying to find that special someone. Unfortunately, many of us make the same mistakes over and over again instead of realizing there is an issue and correcting it. You know the old Chinese proverb "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me," well the real fools are the ones that do not take the time to realize they are making mistakes to begin with.

One of the first things that I do with my clients is sit down and go over their dating history to see if there are any recurring issues. It is hard for some people to realize, but many relationships do not go further than a first date because they are making the mistake of choosing the wrong "type" of person right out of the gate. I know that we all picture ourselves in a long-term relationship with hotties that look like Brad Pitt or the beautiful people we see in every movie and magazine but the reality is that the world is made up of regular ladies and gents that are looking for someone to love just like you.

Here are some questions to ask yourself if you are looking for the right "type" to date:

Am I looking in the correct age group?
  • I have young clients that say "Oh! I could never date anyone over 40! That is too old for me. I need someone young and full of energy like me." (They are shocked when they find out that I am 42 and run circles around them)
  • On the other hand, I have clients in the 50 to 60 age range that say the same exact thing! "Oh! I could never date anyone over 40! That is too old for me. I need someone young and full of energy like me." It never ceases to amaze me that I will find someone who is EXACTLY what they are looking for but as soon as I say that they are in their 50s they turn the person down.

My advice:

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER! Get over the age thing and meet people and find out what they are all about instead of turning prospective dates away due to their age. In this day and age, people are aging more gracefully than ever. I meet people in their 40s that look like they are in their 30s and people in their 50s and 60s look like they are in their 40s. You CANNOT judge a book by its cover these days!

(On a personal note, My husband and I met when I was 20 and he was 36. In all honesty, he tried to run when he found out how young I was. But he was exactly what I was looking for. There was no way I was letting him go. I proved to him that I was more mature and independent than most of the men he had ever dated. Here we are 22 years later in a loving, long-term relationship. He is glad I forced him to get over the age issue and didn't let him run away!)

Is my vision of Mr./Ms. Right attainable?
  • I am a true believer that beauty comes from within. Don't get me wrong, I know some amazing "pretty" people BUT I also know many sweet, average Joe's that are comfortable in their own skin and have a lot to offer someone. What amazes me is that many average Joe's want to date someone hotter than they are. AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! Just don't let someone who is NOT a perfect 10 slip by you while you are searching for someone pretty.
My advice:

If you are looking for the hottie with the six-pack abs, perfect skin, killer smile, great hair and great fashion sense, you better measure up. I am sorry for the tough love BUT here it is. IF a great looking partner on your arm is what you are searching for then you better get yourself into the gym a few times a week, book a spa, salon AND dentist appointment, go shopping for a new wardrobe and THEN go out looking for perfection in someone else.

(I am in no way saying that everyone MUST be pretty. What I am saying is that if you are looking for pretty, nine times out of ten they are looking for someone pretty also)

Am I ready, willing and able to date?
  • I know this sounds crazy BUT many successful, eligible people believe that they are ready for a relationship but then realize that they have no time for one. If you are serious about finding love, you have to be willing to take time out of your busy schedule and make time to date and get to know someone.
  • Spontaneity and FUN are two very important key elements when first dating someone. If you find yourself squeezing in a date between work and the gym OR if you make the person wait until late at night for a date, you may be making them feel like they are NOT a priority in your life.
My advice:
  • When first starting to see someone take the time to show them that you care even if it is sending a quick text or email saying "Thinking of you!" And don't play the "waiting game" if you had a great time meeting them call them the very next day and say "That was fun! Let's do it again!"

(In this day and age we are all very busy BUT we with phone, text, emails etc, there is no reason to not be in touch with someone every day)

Take the time to ask yourself these questions AND most importantly, take the time to give yourself honest answers. These three simple questions can help you correct any "mistakes" that you may be making in choosing the right people to date. Remember the goal is to cast the broadest dating net that you can! Don't make the mistake of creating a list of intangible qualities that the other person must have. This can only make your dating pool smaller and smaller. Instead of brushing people off, get to know them first.

And remember, I am here for you if you need me.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Matchmaker,