07/08/2008 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Leave Mr. Poopypants Alone!


Let me just get this out of the way: people poop when they run. Have you ever seen the number of Honey Buckets that line race courses? It rivals Lolapalooza. Back in the early days of modern marathoning, runners would just squat wherever the urge overtook them. Not such a big deal if you're doing the Death Valley Ultra (and if you are running that race, poop is the least of your worries) but at, say, the venerable Boston marathon where you are running very public streets, you soon appreciate biffies for the modern technological miracles they are.

But sometimes you don't make it to the potty. Lots of people, in lots of races have shat themselves. I will wait while you get the giggles out of your system. If you've never seen someone do it, type "pooping runner" into google and you'll find enough there to avoid working all afternoon, if that kind of thing entertains you.

Runner's tummy happens all on its own but some situations can make it worse. Extreme weather, nerves, and Michael Jackson have all been known to cause diarrhea. Runners have also been known to projectile vomit, faint, hallucinate and wet themselves. I know, know. Don't ask.

So given all that, why the big fuss about some poor soul with splattered shorts? Must it be discussed on every fitness website? It's not like it's Katie Holmes (maybe, maybe not) running the NYC marathon. (Although really the only thing that bothered me about that spectacle was that apparently she did it bra-less. Ouch!)

Leave Mr. Poopypants alone already!