THE BLOG
09/29/2016 10:41 am ET Updated Sep 30, 2017

There's No Denying It: 11 Honest Signs You've Lost Your Identity In The Relationship

Of all the bad things that can happen when you're in a relationship, one of the worst is losing your identity. It's painful AF and you'll carry the after effects longer than you think. Here's how you know if you've already lost yourself or if you're on the way to it:

1. Your life's purpose have been buried under the ground.

You've forgotten about those days when you were so consumed about your personal dreams and how to chase them. Your focus has shifted from fulfilling your life goals to making him one hell of a satisfied boyfriend.

2. You seek his approval every time.

While it's true that he needs to know about some of the things you plan to do, you don't really need to get his 'OK' every freaking time. You're a grown-ass woman and there are things that you have to do by yourself.

3. You use "WE" more than you use "I."

You used to have an individual voice (because everyone has one, right?) but for some reasons, you've started approaching every situation with a collective kind of thinking. Not that there's anything wrong with being one team with your SO but if you're losing your individuality because of it, then that's a huge problem.

4. Your social life is an epic fail.

A life outside of your relationship is one of the reasons he was attracted to you the moment you met. You regularly see your besties for your girls' night out and you make it a point that you get to see your family when your schedule allows you to. But today, you don't see neither friends nor family. Outside of work, you only spend every waking hour with him.

5. You let him have his way most of the time (if not all).

Instead of speaking up about your wants and needs, you find yourself giving way to his desires. You always say "Yes" because you want to make him impressed and keep him happy, thinking he'll love you more if you do so.

6. You've stopped doing the things that make you feel like you're "you" anymore.

You used to visit the salon so you can get all dolled up once in a while. You go see your dermatologist for your skin care needs. You used to see your friends for your girls' night out. However, you rarely see anyone close to you now and you rarely do anything that makes you feel good since the first day you've started dating, killing your self-esteem and making you feel less like you've been neglected.

7. Your self-confidence has shrunk.

The right relationship will push you to the top. It will improve your self-worth and boost your self-esteem and morale. But since you've become so dependent to him and your relationship with him, you stopped conquering mountains on your own. The strong sense of self that you used to have has been lost (and you're not moving even one finger to find it).

8. You've compromised your standards.

And you've crossed your limits way too often than you can remember, all in the name of love. Your values have been pushed to the side and the sad thing is you know it but you're not doing anything about it for fear that he'll dump you.

9. You miss your single life.

You hear that inner voice inside of you saying how single life is so much better than being stuck in a relationship where you're clearly losing who you are. You attempt to silence it but the voice grows stronger each day, making you feel more and more like a bird with clipped wings, unable to fly.

10. You don't feel like you're "You."

You look in the mirror and see how much you've changed and became someone you're truly not just to keep your boyfriend around. Yes, how you look is superb but you pity yourself for not being able to show your true colors and be accepted and loved for it.

11. You've stopped pushing for what truly is the best for you.

Just because you're totally head over heels with your SO does it mean that you'll throw all of who you are and the things that matter most to you to the window. You know you need to do what's best for you - and that is loving yourself no matter what - because if he turns out to be Mr. Wrong, you only have yourself to rely on.

It's Never Too Late

If most of these signs are true to your life right now, know that it's not the end. Recognizing the signs is just the beginning. Seek help from the people who genuinely care for you (friends and family) so you can get out of the relationship and begin the path to recovery. You got this.