01/31/2014 11:45 am ET Updated Mar 31, 2014

The Painful Fight

Most of us haven't had the greatest role models when it comes to relationships. We don't have to go many generations back when relationships were all about survival and the creation of heirs.

Our relationships are the source of most of our contrasts. We can use each other for draining self-sabotage or we can grow together in a nurturing flow. Both scenarios are ways to use our creative power one is not better than the other. In the end it all comes down to taste and awareness.

If we want our relationships to be based on pleasure we need ways to handle the co-creation and the growth that naturally comes from living from the heart. It's new to us as a culture to create relationships based on joy bubbles, heart based communication and a sacred pact of integrity.

Without tools and awareness we quickly end up in painful fights where the stakes are high in the race for the victim position. I have been there myself many times. The paralyzing moment where you loose yourself in the attempt to shoot down your opponent can be filled with so much pain that we end scattered in pieces on the floor.

When we are busy making each other wrong we can't get to the bottom of things. The key is inside of us. As we heal the broken parts of us, we stop seeing them in others. From there the battle stops. And from there we can grow together in a beautiful flow in deep pleasure for everyone involved.

I love Adele's way of portraying the painful fight. As a thousand knives penetrating the soul she puts words to a feeling and a state we all know very well.