05/13/2014 11:56 am ET Updated Jul 13, 2014

Are You Settling or Being Too Picky?

We don't always get what we want in life (I know this probably does not come as a shock to you). So, when something like a job or relationship is not exactly what we desire, how do we know if what we want is even reasonable? Are we expecting too much?

How do we know if we are being picky or if we are settling?

I have a really easy way to get super clear on this question that I explain in my vlog today.

Here's the bottom line:

If you are trying to talk yourself OUT of something, you are being too picky.

If you are trying to talk yourself INTO something, you are settling.

I noticed this distinction after supporting two friends and a client in ending things that were just not aligned with their core values and desires (I share specifics in the video). The overall theme I observed was that they all were contorting into pretzels attempting to talk themselves into something or someone that was not aligned with their non-negotiables or desires.

And at the end of their long speech about how they could possibly compromise, even sacrifice, things that were really important to them, each asked: "Am I being too picky?"

"NO!" I exclaimed. "YOU ARE SETTLING!"

Generally, we attempt to talk ourselves OUT of things that we being too picky about, NOT into them. You can recognize petty pickiness when you are searching for reasons, excuses and justifications rather than opening your heart and mind to seeing beyond judgments or superficial concerns.

You are settling when you ignore what matters most to you. The truth matters, so stop lying to yourself because you have forgotten how abundant the universe is. Your values matter. You desires matter. They are your inner compasses.

So, if you are settling, stop it! Get out of the job, relationship or situation that you keep trying to talk yourself into. Take a stand for what you truly desire and deserve.

And if you are being too picky, stop that too! Let go of petty reasons for not fully engaging or giving something a chance. Stop blaming external factors and take responsibility.

Remember: Life is way too short to ever settle!