THE BLOG
08/28/2015 06:22 pm ET Updated Aug 28, 2016

Say No To Diplomacy!

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Felonius Ax of the Billionaires for Endless War here to offer you an alternative view of this Nuclear Treaty with Iran that so many progressives are supporting:

Yes, it will prevent Iran from developing a nuclear weapon for the next 15 years, and yes, by ending the boycott of Iran's economy, there's a very real possibility that increased trade with Iran by the family of nations will create inroads for democratization of that country.

But no one is talking about the people who will be most hurt by this display of unfettered diplomacy: The weapons manufacturers! The arms merchants! I am here to speak for those of us whose portfolios contain a lot of shares in companies that build instruments of war.

War with Iran represents a great opportunity for us. For one thing, Iran is a much more powerful country than Iraq was when we invaded them in 2003 after bombing them continuously for the previous 10 years. Which means that any war we wage against Iran stands to become an even greater quagmire than what is currently transpiring in Iraq and Afghanistan! A longer war means more weapons needed and more of Americans' tax dollars funneled into our coffers for many years to come!

If you own an ice cream shop, a heat wave is very good for business. Well for us, War is a heat wave, and tanks and bombers and missiles are sundaes, banana splits and egg creams!

Iran is a nation with a large population of young people who aren't that enthusiastic about Mullahs that rule them. If this Nuclear treaty with Iran is allowed to go forward, there's a good chance that over the course of 15 years, the government of Iran could start to change. They could become a democracy that won't want to go to war willy-nilly. But if we reject this treaty and start dropping bunker-busting bombs on them, you'll see all Iranians unite against the army reining down death from the sky upon them. They'll fight more resolutely, which means that our upcoming war with them will drag on indefinitely.

I understand the reluctance to send young American men and women to die in an endless conflict with an intractable foe, but realize that they'll be sacrificing their lives for the most important value that we have in America - the idea that Corporations should be able to profit from our military misadventures. They'll be dying for Capitalism! What could be more honorable?

And without the Nuclear Treaty, and its regimen of inspections and the threat of resumed sanctions, Iran will surely develop nuclear weapons in the next few years, which means that America will need to upgrade our own nuclear stockpile, and we just happen to be the industry that will churn out all the warheads needed to make that happen!

Please don't ruin this great opportunity for those of us in the Merchant of Death community! If diplomacy is allowed to work, our government might want to try it somewhere else and another war won't be allowed to occur. Please don't let diplomacy squelch our dreams of another great big long-lasting war in the Middle East!