05/15/2014 10:47 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

10 Crazy Things Said When Up Late With Kids

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There is something crazed and stressful about getting up in the night with children, and my wife and I tend to say angry, spiteful and sometimes crazy things when sleep-deprived. These statements are very different from the way we speak to each other during the day, or while dating. Both of us realize that what we are saying is drafted somewhere between dream and reality, and not representative of our regular feelings towards each other or the kids. Therefore, we decided early in our marriage to not hold grudges because of what was said in the night. Below are a few examples.

  1. It's your turn. I was just up for an hour listening to Norah cry and your stupid snoring. You sound like you're dying.
  2. If you slam one more door I'm going to take all the doors off the hinges and shove them up your butt.
  3. Turn off the bathroom light! You don't need light to pee! I pee in the dark all the time.
  4. I left Norah's wet pull-up in her bed. Or maybe I put it in the laundry. I don't know... I'm too tired. Will you figure it out?
  5. I don't know where Bun-Bun is and I don't care. Go to sleep. I've been up for over an hour with you. If you don't go to sleep, I'm going to find Bun-Bun and light him on fire.
  6. I don't know if there's a trailer or something, but the pee is everywhere.
  7. He won't sleep because his bum burns. It's probably because of his diaper rash. Can we just pack it with ice... or something?
  8. Tristan, I love you, but if you don't go to sleep, I might die. Is that what you want? For me to die, because I feel like I'm dying. Do you even care?
  9. Stop screaming! It's making my head explode.
  10. Thanks for getting up with her. It makes me want you. I'm too tired, but I wanted you to know about it.

clint edwards

What are some of the crazy things you've said while up in the night with kids?

Clint Edwards is the author of No Idea What I'm Doing: A Daddy Blog. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook.