05/21/2014 03:23 pm ET Updated Jul 21, 2014

When Sexual Innuendos Create Hilarious Misunderstandings

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Mel and I usually use sexual innuendos around the house as a way to flirt without the kids knowing what we are talking about. Really anything can be turned into an innuendo as long as it is followed with a sly smile and raised eyebrows. We started doing this shortly after we had our first child. But now that Tristan and Norah are 6 and 4, they are very interested in in our conversations, and our innuendos have created some hilarious misunderstandings.

Below are some examples.

Mel: Thanks for vacuuming out the car. You might just have an appointment tonight.
Norah: Can I go to the appointment?

Mel: I melted the butter for the French bread.
Clint: You melt my butter.
Tristan: Ha! Ha! Mom doesn't have butter.

Mel: Would you mind cleaning the waffle iron? We are having breakfast for dinner.
Clint: I'd like to clean your waffle iron.
Tristan: Mom's waffle iron is broken.

Mel: You suck at loading the dishwasher.
Clint: I'm good at loading your dishwasher.
Mel: No you're not.
Clint: Obviously I am. Look at you. You're pregnant.
Norah: (speaking to Tristan): Daddy's good at loading Mommy's dishwasher.

Mel: We haven't had an appointment for a while.
Clint: Yeah... We should make one for tonight.
Tristan: Is Mommy going to the doctor? Is Mommy sick?

Clint (bending over to pull out a large pot to boil a ham): This stupid ham pot is stuck.
Mel: I like your ham.
Clint: Wow! Thanks, babe. I like your ham, too.
Tristan: I don't like anyone's ham!

Mel: Are you watching this? You're going to burn the bacon.
Clint: You burn my bacon.
Mel: Nice. Well... I have a paper to write tonight, so you don't get any of my bacon.
Norah: Mommy, can I have some of your bacon?

Clint: What are you putting in that? Corn? I hate corn.
Mel: I like your corn.
Tristan: No one likes Dad's corn!

Clint Edwards is the author of No Idea What I'm Doing: A Daddy Blog. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook.