02/04/2013 03:26 pm ET Updated Apr 06, 2013

Love Lives On

In my work as a medium, I've met so many folks who have lost a girlfriend, boyfriend, a partner or a spouse. And I've met many, as well, who are desperate to find love, who have never felt they had someone special to call their own love. This side of the veil has so many challenges -- it's a true blessing to have someone beside us to share the load, give comfort and also to share our many joys and good times with. To share life with a partner who loves you is truly a beautiful thing, and to be missing them is one of the hardest -- and brought home to us all the more on special days like anniversaries or on Valentine's Day.

I had a client once -- a gentleman who had lost his wife, who struggled with his beliefs -- could he tell himself that she was sitting on a cloud somewhere and they'd be together again someday? Or was he just kidding himself and they'd never see each other again? As he sat across from me, I began to tell him things about his relationship that only he would know, that he validated. Small things, but little things that meant a lot. By the end of our time together he was leaving my office feeling much better, but as he got to the door I suddenly heard his wife say, "Stop. Show him this." And I saw a pair of praying hands. I put my own hands together in the same gesture and told the man, "Your wife is saying to show you this." He was flabbergasted. In disbelief he opened his jacket pocket and showed me a pen with a set of praying hands on the top. When he was buying his coffee that morning he'd seen it at the register and purchased it on a whim, saying silently to his wife, "If you are really there, mention the pen."

We never die, and neither does love.

There's a man named Dennis who's been coming to my shows who is like a grandfather to all of us on the team. We all love him so very much, to say he least. His wife, Dorothy, died. She must have been quite a woman because this man misses her so badly his soul hurts. Like most of us he never received training for this kind of loneliness. We're never prepared for the loss of our great love. The first time I saw him in my audience my heart broke for him. When I reached out to him, he really was not prepared to see any evidence that Dorothy was still around but she told him so many lovely things that he admitted he recognized -- including referring to a Johnny Mathis song, "Chances Are," which Dennis told me was their wedding song! "Just because / my composure sort of slips / the moment that your lips meet mine / chances are you think my heart's your valentine." I could see the pain in Dennis's face lift, if only for the moment.

Thereafter, Dennis came to my shows again and again, and each time he came he brought someone else with him who he thought could use the lift of knowing that our love never dies. It's been some time since Dennis first came to one of the shows and we've become friends to one another. He's getting older, but now I see the peace on his face, knowing that someday Dorothy will come and get him and take him home, and we'll miss him, but know he's still with us, literally, in spirit.

We never die, and neither does love.

So often when I do a reading for a younger person who has lost their partner, that partner will come through and urge the person to find a new love. Or the spirit will even tell them that they need to do something in particular or go somewhere in particular because their first love is trying to help put them together with a new love. The person still here can be conflicted, they feel disloyal, but our loved ones who have crossed want for us to be happy here, to have someone to share our earthly ups and downs with, they don't want us to be lonely. And they really seem to enjoy being matchmakers. They really try to help!

I've occasionally had to try not to laugh when a well-meaning spirit gives dating advice to someone here who is being overly critical and picky -- they say they want to find love but they're too busy finding fault. I've had a spirit tell a young woman in my audience to quit judging a guy by the fact that he wears ugly shoes. They said, "Ya don't like his shoes? Ya don't like his shirt? Take him shopping -- pick out something new for him." It's not like the shoes are who the person is. You have to give people a chance.

For anyone looking for love, I have some advice, too. Remember that our words and thoughts create what we experience. So if you say you'll never meet anyone, you won't. If you say there are only jerks out there, you'll only meet jerks. If you say, "I'm not interested in meeting anyone," then for sure, you won't. I recommend ordering love like you are in a restaurant. Don't confuse the spirits, your guardian angels. The universe can't bring you what it doesn't know you want. So, if you're telling the waitress you want tuna salad, no, egg salad, or something else, the waitress is going to say, "I'll come back when you know what you want." You need to be sure what you want, then tell the universe, "I want to meet the man/woman/person of my dreams, a great honest partner with a lot of love to give." And don't go changing your order five minutes later. Give the spirits half a chance to hook you up.

Concetta Bertoldi is a full-time medium with a two-year waiting list. She is regularly consulted by members of Britain's royal family, American celebrities, politicians, and others. She is the author of Do Dead People See You Shower? and, Do Dead People Walk Their Dogs? She lives in New Jersey with her husband. She will make her inaugural appearance at The Duplex in New York City, on Valentine's Day (evening), February 14, at 9:30 p.m., in "From Heaven With Love!" For reservations, go to, or call 212-255-5438.

Johnnie Mathis, "Chances Are"